


Never Be The Same Again

by pherryt



Series: Tea For Three [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bottom!Cas, Grief, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Kingsport, M/M, MCD (Not Dean Cas or JImmy), My Canadian Geography is a little iffy but I tried..., Redmond, Reunions, Smut, Top!Jimmy, Victorian era, injured!dean, multiple fires, past physical/mental abuse, switch!dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-13 17:41:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14753384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pherryt/pseuds/pherryt
Summary: Life hasn’t been easy for Dean – it never is for orphans – but he reckons it’s a bit harder when you remember you’ve got family out there, somewhere. He’s been beat up, abused, and sold – more than once – for cheap labor, but Dean finds strength in that knowledge. With only a faded memory and a beat-up photograph to guide him, he grows up and gets out, determined to find his brother.But even the stubborn Dean Winchester has to concede after years of searching that those two things might not be enough.Rudderless, Dean finds himself adrift and alone in an island town somewhere north of the U.S. Taking on make work to keep himself busy, he’s convinced to take some classes at the local college. He agrees, trying to regroup and figure out what to do with his life.It may have been just the break he needed. He couldn’t ever have expected the twins, or how life seemed to serendipitously drop the exact thing he’d been looking for right into his path.





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story - while written second - is actually the first. And it's all [Jhooms ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jhoom) fault. When I wrote for the DCJ Hiatus Indulgence (which is also how I wound up writing in this era to begin with, as the criteria for that was a more historical setting), I felt like there was more to the story but that there was nothing more to write, nowhere to go from there... then we realized i'd implied a lot of history... So here we have it. 
> 
> So this story's gone through a few hands - [FormidablePassion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FormidablePassion) and [Hermit9](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hermit9) both Alpha'd it when i was feeling a little lost - thank you both for the encouragement! [ Lotrspnfangirl ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lotrspnfangirl)stepped up to the plate to Beta'it - thank you!!!
> 
> (and my apologies to any weirdness along the way. It's tough writing a story when you're trying to emulate not just a style, but a much OLDER style. Different ways of talking that need to be adapted to the characters - there were many times when i made deliberate word choices that i felt helped capture that style only to find it had tripped up both my beta and alphas. So then it became a weighing game - what needed to be changed and what didn't? what was an actual problem and what was a stylistic choice?)
> 
> So big thank you's to all of you as well as my artist: [ FlightoftheSeraph/SeraphWrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightoftheseraph/profile)!!!!! They're a brand new artist and this is their first bang making art so make you let them know how awesome it is - [ Masterpost here](https://seraphwrites.tumblr.com/post/174288290652/heres-my-art-masterpost-for-the-dcjbb-2018-this)

Dean Winchester was only four years old when his entire life burned to the ground, but it wasn’t until a few years later that he fully realized this fact.

The night of the fire that took his home and his mother eventually claimed the mind of his father. The community in which they lived helped, at first. But John Winchester's ways grew erratic and dangerous until even the best of neighbors withdrew their kindness.

It left two little boys at the mercy of a deranged man who could no longer make ends meet.

When Dean Winchester was six years old, he was sold to a family for a handful of dollars. His brother Sam stared after the disappearing wagon crying - not because he understood what was happening, but because his older brother was leaving and because Dean wa s also cr ying.

Life didn't get better from there.

By the time Dean was ten, he'd been sold thrice more and had his heart broken over half a dozen times. He learned, eventually, not to attempt to endear himself with the families that bought him. They weren't looking for children but for free labor. It was cheaper to buy once then to pay wages. And when, once or twice, he'd managed to befriend a child of the family that had taken him in, he found that friendship ripped from him. It didn't matter how it was done -- sold off again or beaten for daring to rise above his place -- the end result was always the same.

Dean was once more, inevitably, alone.

Dean didn't step foot into a school till he was twelve. He was humiliated by all the things he didn't know, but he'd long since learned to take advantage of every opportunity he was given.

He also had hope, somehow still intact, deep inside of him. If he could prove himself better than his peers, perhaps he could gain a place for himself. Maybe he'd matter to people again. He could  _ belong. _

Through it all, Dean managed to hold onto the one thing he had left that could remind him of the family he’d once had, the family that had once loved  _ him. _

A single, dog-eared photograph.

Because maybe one day, Dean could find his family once more and be reunited with his brother. His father, he couldn’t care less for. The man he’d once cried himself to sleep over, he’d grown to realize had tossed him away for a few scant dollars that were probably gone before they’d graced his hand.

There was no one else.

He clung to the memories of Sam as they faded more and more every year, desperate to grow up fast so he could finally leave and look for the little brother he’d lost. All he could do was hope that nothing had happened to Sam.

Even as he hoped it, he realized that it was likely in vain. But it was the one goal Dean Winchester could hold on to that got him through every downfall, every beating, through the starvation and the abuse. He’d grow strong  _ and  _ smart, and then he’d show them all. He’d leave and he’d find Sam, and the two of them would go someplace new for a fresh start.

It was all Dean had left.


	2. Chapter 1 - Back Again

Sometimes, Dean wasn’t altogether sure how he wound up in Canada of all places. And at others, still, it seemed like the only likely progression of events.

His search for Sam had yielded nothing. After years of looking for his brother, he was forced to admit defeat, had to admit that the vague and fuzzy memories of a traumatized six-year-old child would just not be enough. He didn’t even remember what town he’d lived in back then, and he’d had to concede that even if he  _ did _ find his brother, Dean had no idea what the skinny toddler would look like now. He could be staring right at Sam and never even know.

At a loss of what to do with himself, Dean started traveling aimlessly just for the sake of traveling. He worked odd jobs here and there, going where whim and the next wagon took him, occasionally even the odd boat. Now he stood in Kingsport, struck with such a sense of loss that it nearly drove him to his knees.

But Dean was made of sterner stuff than that. He’d made sure of it. Hardened by childhood and a lifetime of disappointments, he wouldn’t allow himself to show weakness before strangers. It would gain him nothing but ridicule, open himself to being taken advantage of, and he’d had more than enough of that to last a lifetime.

He soon found himself a job at the docks and asked around for recommendations on a place to stay. He was directed by word of mouth to the household of Lafitte. He stared at the house appraisingly; it wasn’t in the richer neighborhood, but it was still better than most of the places Dean had had to make do with in the past – not just over the last few years as he traveled, but even what poor accommodations he was allowed with the various families he’d been ‘privileged’ to live with.

Drawing a breath, Dean went up the steps and knocked.

Fairly quickly, with the promise to help around the house and the odd coin, Dean found himself ensconced in a single room more richly appointed then any he’d yet had the opportunity to live in.

That is to say, it had a solidly made bed fitted with good, thick, warm blankets. The wallpaper was in good repair -- no rips, tears, or even stains that Dean could see. There was a good, strong dresser, about waist high and long, with a wash basin and pitcher on top. It was accompanied by a matching side table beside the bed; all three pieces of furniture made out of the same dark wood and well worn. A trunk fit at the foot of his bed and a mirror hung above the dresser, there was a small set of hooks beside the door and a picture hung above the bed, kitty-cornered to a single window that looked out upon the street.

It was a veritable palace compared to anything Dean had before, and he was more than grateful for it. The few things he owned, he hung up or folded away.

He had some small bits of money saved up from some of the more lucrative jobs he’d taken over the years, and he could stand to not have a job while living there for some years, if need be, but Dean was not one to stay idle. When he’d been walking about, he saw the gates of Redmond College and a crazy idea had come to him.

Throughout his entire life, everyone had told him he’d amount to nothing, that he was stupid and lazy. He knew they were wrong. They  _ had  _ to be. But, there was always that niggling doubt... What if he was? 

So, he stared and thought, well, maybe he could  _ prove  _ them wrong? Even though they’d never know it,  _ he _ would.

And that was all that mattered.

When he’d mentioned the idea to his landlord, whom he’d become fast friends with – a rarity among rarities -- Benny had encouraged the pursuit of knowledge wholeheartedly.

And to Dean’s surprise, when he’d applied that summer, he was quickly accepted with his classes to start in the fall. He nearly passed out from the shock when he read the acceptance letter, but when the first day of classes rolled around, Dean was there bright and early.

It didn’t take long for a routine to be established. The classes themselves weren’t nearly as hard as he’d been afraid they’d be. Not that they were a walk in the park; Dean actually had to work at some of them a little harder than it seemed his peers did, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as he feared.

The first few weeks were the hardest as people flocked about each other’s social circles, finding old friends and making new ones. The first years, for the most part, stuck with each other rather than intruding on the already established friendships of the years after.

Dean avoided them all.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to have friends, but rather Dean found it difficult to make any on his own. That Benny had become one over the summer still surprised him – Dean still couldn’t figure out how it had happened - but thrust into the crowds of Redmond, Dean found himself standing aside.

Honestly, he was just too distrustful of those that wished to be around him. He’d had a childhood filled with the proof that people, generally speaking, did not without holding an ulterior motive. By the time he managed to convince himself to try and relax enough to allow someone close enough to talk amiably, he had, by and large, already lost his chance.

This reluctance and fear gained him a reputation for being standoffish, and Dean wound up walking to class by himself, studying by himself, sitting by himself. He was, once more, isolated. An outsider, looking in. Only this time it was his own fault and he could blame no one but himself.

Benny’s boarding house was cheap and clean; renters came and went over the years, mostly other students, but occasionally a business man or two. Just as at school, Dean encouraged no friendships, though he was always courteous and friendly.

The lack of friendship he garnered was alleviated some by the persistent friendliness of his landlord and the cheerful innocence of the man’s young daughter. Dean found himself helping her with her homework, a small ache in his chest at the thought that this was something he should have been able to do with his brother as they grew up.

He had to push that thought away. Sam was gone and Dean had no idea where to keep looking. He had to let go, needed to focus on something else or he’d go crazy. He threw himself into the work for his classes, kept to himself and often found himself wondering, after this, what next?

His first three years passed in that way, with his breaks and summers being spent doing odd jobs and saving up money to continue his education.

When his final year started, he had no reason to believe that things would change. The only outward difference was that he was restless and worried. He still had no idea what to do with his life, and he could no longer hide from that fact. For so long, all he wanted was to get away from the families that used and abused him, to find his brother and just live free, but he had found himself without purpose after he’d accomplished the first and was forced to concede the latter.

College had been a wonderful time killer, but it hadn’t give him purpose. Should he become a teacher? He wasn’t sure he had the temperament for that. It would also mean an end to his search for his brother, though he knew in his heart that Sam was lost to him forever.

He resolved that he would talk with his professors. Maybe one of them would have a recommendation for him.

 

* * *

 

 

Being back at Redmond after several years away felt unreal. Jimmy and Cas exchanged silent looks, unsure what they were feeling as they once more stood on the school grounds. All their peers were gone, and yet the place still looked the same as it always had. Around them, students hurried to their classes or strolled leisurely catching up with old friends – making it easy to tell who were freshman and who the old hands were.

Perhaps it was the brother’s own age that set them more apart than they usually felt?

Cas and Jimmy had needed to put their further education on hold for some years, just a year shy of finishing. But when the only family you had left fell ill, and the doctors became baffled as to how to help, you dropped everything to care for them.

Their younger brother, Samandriel, had been the only other survivor after the fire that had destroyed their family – and only because his room had been closest to theirs when he’d gone searching for comfort after a nightmare. It had been a mere chance that Samandriel had been in their room and woken them up when he had. 

A chance that had saved all their lives.

Their neighbors had said it was God’s will that protected them, his providence saving them. Unspoken was the idea that the tragedy befalling the family was perhaps deserved – why else would God have let it happen? The twins had felt bitter about that for a long, long time. How could allowing their family to die be God’s will? Why were  _ they  _ the only ones left alive?

It would simply become the first of many times they questioned ‘ _ God’s plan _ ’.

In the blink of an eye, they’d lost their parents, grandparents and elder brother, along with a widowed aunt and her two children. No one could comprehend how the fire had gotten so big so quickly – but the damage had been done.

They’d lost nearly everything and had thus clung to what they’d had left even more. Samandriel – only just past four years of age - had cried every night for months while Jimmy and Cas – nearly eleven – turned sullen and angry. And while they may have been twins, how they handled that anger and grief could not have been any more different. Jimmy lashed out at the people around him, while Cas turned it inwards, becoming silent and withdrawn.

Despite their neighbors well intentioned but cruelly hurtful words, Jimmy and Cas had always felt that the fire had  _ not  _ been natural. One of the hired hands had always looked at the twins and their brothers with a resentful gleam in his eyes, and Cas and Jimmy had more than once witnessed the cruel streak that resided in the heart of Luke – Jimmy had once likened him to the devil and Cas had to agree.

Without any proof -- Luke had somehow been caught up in the same blaze that had torn their lives asunder -- no adult seemed capable of believing the word of two children wrought with grief, though it made good fodder for gossip. It burned them greatly to be so dismissed, and the trust they had once granted so willingly before the fire became something hard earned and grudgingly granted.

The only silver lining they could see was that if their suspicions were true, then they could rest a little more easily knowing that Luke could no longer hurt anyone else.

After the fire and the subsequent funerals, a neighbor and close friend of their family took them in. They once more had a place to stay, but it was no longer home. 

Being the baby, Samandriel fared better than the twins. His memories clouded over as time went on and as he was doted on by nearly all. He eventually began to trust and love again, becoming the smiling, sweet child he’d been before. The twins protected their younger brother as best as they could, shielding him from anything they could imagine. They even delayed their own schooling to stay with him, as his health had never been quite the same since the fire, until he insisted they go.

But when Samandriel took a turn for the worse, they’d spared not one thought to abandoning their pursuits at Redmond.

Now he was gone and the twins were alone once more.

Samandriel had languished for two more years before passing on. He’d been gone near a year now, and Jimmy and Cas had finally decided that they’d drifted along in their grief too long. They needed purpose, direction. Finishing Redmond would give that to them, however temporarily.

Coming back to Redmond had been the only thing they could think of to do.

After that… who knew?


	3. Chapter 2 - Mutual Pining

On the first day of his final year, as he walked the campus he’d grown to know so well and would, in some ways, miss when he was gone, Dean stared wistfully at the students around him. At the lost opportunities for friendships, for the overheard conversations where he learned that  _ some  _ people, at least, knew what they wanted out of life. He found himself people watching, trying to discern...  _ something _ , some clue as to what to do next.

It was then he discovered the twins. What he couldn’t figure was how he’d never seen them before, yet they were suddenly everywhere. There was no way two gorgeous, gossip inspiring men, obviously older than any of the first years, could possibly have been hiding before. But now, here they were – everywhere Dean went.  They even shared many classes together, though they tended to sit at the back of the room. Dean wished it were otherwise... The thought came to him that he could look his fill if only it were  _ him  _ at the back of the room. As it was, he was fairly sure someone was going to catch him staring and he’d have no excuse for such suspicious behavior.

How could he tell them what he was really thinking? How could he tell them how quickly they – both of them – had become a thing of his fantasies? How often he’d dreamed of them, both waking and sleeping. Of domesticity and gentle touches, of th eir sparkling eyes? How many times he’d woken up hard and panting, unable to help himself when his hands reached down and his eyes closed, imagining what they would do to him. Imagining both of them, together, with him.

He had few experiences with other men – it was hard to bring himself to trust anyone with the knowledge of his preferences when he knew so many frowned upon it – and  _ never  _ with more than one at once. Dean would have felt too vulnerable with even one man, not to mention two, who could have him at their mercy.

Yet there was something about the twins, about the way they looked at him, that made him yearn for something more, something together.

Dean arched his back off the bed, coming with a groan over his own fist before collapsing back to the mattress, a panting mess. He was too lazy to even want to move, too delirious with daydreams of a future that couldn’t possibly exist.

He could predict one thing he was sure about his current future: the Novak twins would drive him mad and he had no idea how he would survive the coming year if this was what he was like after having known of their existence a few scant weeks.

They hadn’t even exchanged a single word with him.

 

* * *

 

 

Jimmy stared at the green eyed, freckled Adonis he and Cas had been watching from the back of the classroom for days.

If he wasn’t mistaken, their interest was returned, though the man would blush and look away as soon as he noticed  _ he _ was noticed. Jimmy wondered how far the blush extended. And the freckles too. It was the first time he or Cas had ever found someone mutually attractive, aside from Balthazar back in their second year so long ago, and they were  _ dying  _ to get to know him.

“I’ve heard rumors, brother,” Jimmy said, all while keeping Mr. Winchester in his sight as they leaned against the west wall bordering the campus. The red leaves of the maple had started falling and it was normally a sight to behold, yet the twins were oblivious to everything except Winchester.

When they’d returned to the campus to finish their interrupted schooling, they had known the few they’d let close enough to consider friends would have moved on. The friendships they’d forged had always been of surface only and didn’t last beyond their abrupt departure from the school, yet those carefully cultivated ‘friendships’ had been a necessity to their sanity and to combat the inevitable rumors.

Balthazar had been the only one to get a closer look into their dynamic, and the fact that the man hadn’t run had been truly amazing. It had been good for Jimmy and Cas. Balthazar was well and truly insatiable, and had a remarkable talent for sniffing out where he would be welcome. While their attraction to him was more of curiosity and a desire to learn than true lust or love, once they’d learned that he wouldn’t judge them, their trysts with him had been fun and educational. Jimmy and Cas had learned much in the way of lovemaking from Balthazar and for that, the two of them would forever be grateful.

That he’d moved on after they left was only to be expected, and since none of them had gone into whatever it was they’d had with expectations of more, it hadn’t left the twins hurting.

But never had they looked upon someone with the same desire they held for each other as they now did when they looked upon Dean. It took Jimmy’s breath away and, of course, it meant that he would do all that he could to learn everything about the man.

Discretely, of course.

“Jimmy, you know better than to listen to those,” Cas chided.

“Ah, and you also know why it’s best that I do, so I can head off some of the uglier ones about us before they gain momentum.”

“Even if they are quite true?” Cas pointed out.

“Especially if they are,” Jimmy responded. “Anyway, Mr. Winchester apparently doesn’t have any friends here.”

“Neither do we.”

“Speak for yourself, brother. You don’t,  _ I _ do.” 

It wasn’t actually a lie. Despite being new on campus once more, Jimmy spoke to many and his easy going nature made them think he was closer to them then he actually was. It served its purpose, anyway.

“Having friends is a risk,” Castiel noted with narrowed eyes.

“Not having friends is also a risk, Cassie,” Jimmy pointed out. It was an old argument for them. “It opens us up to more rumors and speculation and leaves us wondering what they are.”

Cas only shrugged. “Maybe so. I’ll let you deal with those as always.”

“Don’t worry, brother. I’ll keep us safe from all the gossips.” Jimmy grinned cheekily.

“I know you will.” Cas stood, brushing off his slacks, Jimmy watching the motion appreciatively till Cas glared at him. “Now, I believe we need to stop people watching and get to class.”

 

* * *

 

A nudge made Cas look up to see his brother nodding his head across the quad. “We should invite him over,” he spoke quietly.

Cas looked over to  spy what his brother was looking at. It’d been weeks since Jimmy had first pointed out that Mr. Winchester didn’t really socialize with anyone, and by the way he was walking alone and keeping his head down, it appeared that he still didn’t. Cas still thought this was a bad idea, but at Jimmy’s nudge, Cas couldn’t help himself.

“Mr. Winchester!” he called out, making sure to be heard across the distance and the object of their attention froze, tensed, and looked around. The twins blinked at the look on Winchester’s face. It was hidden well, but there’d been a flash of panic there that neither could explain.

_ This was a really bad idea, _ Cas groaned internally,  _ It’ll just draw unwanted attention to us. Make clear that we think and do things that are against the societal norms. If it gets out, no amount of a shared history of family tragedy will excuse the things we do. _

He held back a shudder and raised a hand, garnering Winchester’s attention. He looked surprised and for longer than felt safe, making Cas’s stomach twist uneasily, the man hesitated before he finally turned to walk over to them.

“Hey, aren’t you in my classes?” Winchester asked, running a hand through his hair. Cas’s eyes were drawn to the movement instantly; the fingers threading through such soft looking hair made his own fingers twitch to reach out and touch.

“We are. We thought we’d properly introduce ourselves. I’m Jimmy, that’s Cas.” Jimmy grinned, holding a hand out in greeting.

“I’m Dean,” Dean answered easily, all sense of hesitation was suddenly gone and Cas wondered if he’d imagined it. Dean reached out and shook Jimmy’s hand, then accepted Cas’s in return. Cas had to hold back a gasp at the contact, warm and tingling. If the other man had felt anything, his look didn’t betray him.

“Are you American?” Jimmy asked, barreling along as always.

“So what if I am?” Dean was immediately defensive and Cas sighed, rolling his eyes. He put a restraining hand on Jimmy’s shoulder and Jimmy blinked before he looked back at his brother, then to Dean. His eyes widened.

“I apologize, that was very rude. We – I mean, I – was just curious. Cas and I always thought about traveling but…” He shrugged and Cas understood what Jimmy was thinking. It was something they’d both wished to do, but was an idea too terrifying to contemplate in a serious manner. The idea that they could be at the mercy of so many strangers and customs they were unaware of, the idea that they could be traveling in conditions that made their much-needed privacy hard to come by… it was enough to turn Cas into a hermit, and Jimmy wasn’t far behind him. Still, they longed to experience the world, and regretted that it wasn’t possible. “So, knowing that you must have traveled… I was hoping to ask you what it was like?”

“Dirty.” Dean shrugged. He drew back in on himself. “Nerve wracking, on occasion. Being faced with suspicion and closed doors wherever you go... I’m tired of it, to be perfectly frank.”

“You are certainly curing us of an impossible dream with your words,” Cas said wryly, “you do paint a particularly unattractive picture.”

“Why impossible? Surely you have the money to travel to more exotic and fascinating places then the places I’ve been?” Dean asked, then bit his lip. “I’m sorry... It’s apparently my turn to be rude in asking questions I shouldn’t.”

“No, it’s all right. We don’t mind,” Jimmy said. “Here, we’re killing time between classes, why don’t you sit with us? Cas and I haven’t gotten to know many of our fellow students yet. Have you?”

“Hmm… not so much, no,” Dean said, avoiding the question neatly. Cas still thought it weird that Dean had gone through three years of schooling without once gaining a friend. He knew his and Jimmy’s excuse and he wondered what Dean might be hiding. Dean eyed them again, a wary look flitting over his eyes before he nodded and accepted the invitation. He dropped to sit beside them on the ground in a boneless elegance that had Cas’s pants tightening. Cas had to sit down rather carefully beside Dean and noted with amusement that Jimmy was moving just as carefully.

Dean Winchester was going to be the death of them and of their self-control, of this, the twins were certain.

They spent the rest of the afternoon talking pleasantly of Redmond and their classes there, and of how different the city was to the smaller towns they grew up in, but never really touching on deeper matters. Soon enough – or too soon, as the case may be – their afternoon leisure had ended and the three were forced to part ways for their next class, of which Dean was regrettably not a part of.

It quickly became a regular happenstance. First meeting in the afternoons between classes, which later graduated to meeting up in the mornings and walking to their first classes of the day together. This led to Dean changing his seat to sit by the twins, which the twins found to be both torture and brilliance. Their continued exposure to Dean was quickly becoming addicting and the material of their fantasies.

Cas and Jimmy were never more glad  of the fact that they’d found a small house to let, its owners busy with their own affairs overseas, and glad to have someone respectable to watch the house. Because as healthy as their libidos had been before, and as difficult as it already was to hide the true nature of their relationship behind closed doors, the continued frustration of having Dean within their reach but infinitely untouchable was becoming more than they could bear. Cas briefly felt guilty at the thought of how one Dean Winchester was quickly becoming the center of some of their more elaborate desires, but with Jimmy’s voice whispering encouragement in his ear, his hands sliding up Cas’s thighs, so tantalizingly close to his aching hardness, Cas couldn’t even remember what it was that he was feeling guilty about.

“Just think about it Cas, how Dean’s hands would feel. You felt that, right?” Jimmy nipped at Cas’s ear, his hands moving roughly around to grasp his brothers’ ass, yanking him forward, pressing into him tightly. “How rough they were? Can  you imagine those hands on your body – ” Jimmy’s hands let go of Cas’s round cheeks and glided up before dipping into the waistband of his slacks, plunging back down to take the naked globes in his hands.  Cas groaned as Jimmy massaged them, feeling the reverence in the press of his fingers. Jimmy continued to whisper as he mouthed at Cas's neck lightly, the words washing over Cas, nearly unheard.

“Careful, Jimmy,” Cas gasped. They had to be careful, always. They simply couldn’t afford to leave marks. They could never leave anything that couldn’t be easily covered up or it could rouse suspicion – two, unattached and solitary men, bearing love bites? It was unthinkable. It was maddening for them both, not to be able to leave his claim on his brother where all could see.

So, they laid their claims however else they could. And while Jimmy was busy working Cas up, Cas was heavily invested in getting them both naked and on their shared bed. For appearances sake, they both had rooms, but Jimmy’s bed was never slept in unless they had guests. With a groan, Jimmy let go of Cas long enough to allow his brother to pull his shirt off of him, but before he could get his hands back on  his brother’s delectable body, he was shoved onto the bed with Cas climbing over him. Cas was breathing hard when he dove in, locking their mouths together, the slide of their thick cocks together making Jimmy’s eyes roll in the back of his head.

It was a sight that Cas never tired of seeing - the image of Jimmy falling apart from the pleasure he derived from Cas. What would Dean look like, if they had the same opportunity? Would he be quiet or loud? Would he shake with need? Would his eyes draw closed involuntarily?

Fumbling beside him at the nightstand drawer, Jimmy pulled out the little jar of oil they kept there, dipping his fingers in and getting them well and truly slick. He placed the jar back carefully – they were both so careful, neither wanting to spill and waste their precious supply – and immediately returned his fingers to that most private of places, rubbing them slickly along Cas’s crack. Cas’s lips left Jimmy’s with a groan when Jimmy pressed a finger inside him.

“Imagine those work roughed fingers inside you, Cassie, taking you deep, working you open. Oh, the sensations they must cause – I’m sure they’d be wondrous…” Jimmy’s voice trailed off as he closed his eyes, no doubt against the image his own words provided. It was a tantalizing one for sure and Cas bucked against him, dragging their cocks together and they both let out a whine.

“Oh… Jimmy… oooooh….” Cas panted against his neck, a hand reaching between  them to grab them in his fist. “God, Jimmy, want you… want you inside me…” Cas begged breathlessly crying out when Jimmy added another finger. “Yess…”

“Pretend its Dean inside you, brother, that these are  _ his  _ fingers. Do you think they’d take you slow and gentle, or rough and fast?”

“J-Jim… rough… I want…” Cas whined, pushing back on his twin’s hand, on the fingers spreading him open.

“And when he’s taking you, Cassie,” Jimmy breathed against Cas’s mouth as he grabbed more oil. He added another finger, thrusting it hard and deep, his brothers’ moans washing over him, making Jimmy vibrate with need. “When he’s taking you, how tight do you think he’ll be around me, around my cock? We’d both get him, imagine that – not having to hide what we do… because he’d be right there with us, writhing on my cock, pounding into you, just like you want – ”

“Jimmy, please! Now! I’m ready, dear Lord in Heaven, I’m ready…” Cas gasped.

“How do you want it Cas – wanna ride me?” Cas shook his head desperately as Jimmy grinned, his voice dipping lower with his own need. Cas shivered beneath him at the sound of it. “On your back or on your knees?”

“My knees… Want to pretend… to imagine it’s Dean behind me…”

Within a blink of an eye, the brothers had moved, Jimmy’s fingers coming free with a dirty sounding squelch that made his length twitch. Cas scrambled off of his brother, pushing up to give Jimmy the space to get up. Once Jimmy stood beside the bed, Cas dropped to the mattress, hugging a pillow to his body and arching his back to present his ass.

“Get inside me. Now,” Cas demanded, his gravelly voice tripping lower still, causing Jimmy to shudder. Grabbing more oil, he slicked himself up with it and climbed back on the bed, his hands caressing the white globes of Cas’s ass, his cock already pressing itself into the slick crack. He thrust once, twice, letting it slide between Cas’s cheeks, chuckling as Cas growled at him. “You are, ever as always, a tease, Jimmy. In. Now. Oh  _ God _ – ”

He ended on a gasp and Jimmy chuckled breathlessly, the chuckle turning into a moan as he pressed into his brother’s hole. “Oh, sweet lord, you’re still so tight. You were so impatient, brother, feels good…”

Jimmy lost the ability to continue as he draped himself over Cas’s back, his hips moving slowly in and out of Cas, the hard heat inside of him making Cas groan. Nothing ever felt as good as being with his brother. Nothing ever felt more right, more like home, than being filled by Jimmy .  The f act that both of them could see a way for Dean to join them, just made it all that much better… and was actually quite a bit scary, if they were honest with themselves.

“Do you think his golden skin extends below the hems of his clothes, Jimmy? If I saw the two of you laid out side by side, wrapped together, would I be able to easily pick which is you and which is him? Do you wonder how many freckles he has on his body? If they are as many as dust his cheeks, it would take a lifetime to kiss them all… a lifetime I would gladly take with you by my side.” Cas’s voice was rough and low but filled with such a d reamlike quality, it made goosebumps stand out on Jimmy’s arms. He picked up speed, thrusting his hips sharper and harder, shifting to find –

“Ah! J-Jim-Jimmy! Unnnh, yes, like that, like Dean!” Cas cried out, shoving back hard in time with each of his brother’s thrusts.

Jimmy grunted, reaching down to grasp Cas in his hand. He bit at Cas’s shoulder and held on for the ride as the e uphoria climbed between them. “F-fu-fuck,” Jimmy sobbed, “Cas! Dean!” 

Need crawled under their skin, pushing them harder and harder as each of them chased their pleasure, their release. Jimmy came with a gasp, buried in Cas’s ass, grinding and pulsing even as Cas came all over Jimmy’s hand and sheets.

They collapsed together, breathing hard. Eventually, Jimmy started to giggle, and Cas blinked at him lazily. He didn’t bother asking. Instead, he pulled Jimmy closer, never minding the slick wetness between them and leaking down his legs. He breathed in Jimmy’s scent instead and waited, knowing Jimmy could never resist talking.

“Cassie, that was…  _ mmm…  _ Do you think we could ever interest Dean in this? Or is this one of those instances where you tell me I’m reaching too far?”

“If you are, then so am I,” Cas sighed. “I don’t know Jimmy. He drives me mad. Sometimes I think he may be interested in one or both of us, and then – ”

“Then he pulls back and pushes away faster than...” Jimmy sighed too, tracing his hands lazily along Cas’s chest, draping himself indolently atop his brother. Cas grunted at the added weight but accepted it.

“How does one even feel out someone for a situation such as this?” Castiel grumbled aloud. “Balthazar found us. And you and I were always of like minds. I never had to wonder, had to worry that this was something you didn’t want. It was like we knew with one little look, that we were meant for each other.”

“I sometimes wonder about that. Did God make us this way? If he did, then how can what we do be frowned upon so harshly by society? Man with man, and us doubly damned for being brothers?” Jimmy asked quietly. His grip around his brother tightened and Cas turned to give him a languid, reassuring kiss.

“It is a pretty puzzle, I admit,” Castiel agreed somberly. “One I do not think I shall ever understand. But that brings me back to the problem of Dean Winchester. How can we make this dream of ours come true? Is it possible, or will we only drive away one of the rare good friends we’ve ever dared to make?”

This was not, unfortunately, the first time nor the last that the Novak twins would hold a conversation such as this, along like lines. And it would be a long time before they got their answer.

 


	4. Chapter 3 - Hopes From the Past

Dean counted himself among the lucky to have a friendship with the Novaks. Firstly, it was well known that they were reclusive at best and possibly pretentious snobs at worst. Why else would they avoid all relations with their peers, unless they considered themselves above them?

And yet... their company was much sought after. It was often whispered that they were going places. After all, they had money, they had connections, they did well in their classes. Obviously, good things lay in store for their futures and it would behoove anyone who was able to get in their good graces. The fact that Dean, the loner, had been one of the few to find himself _in_ those good graces was looked upon in equal amounts of shock, awe, and jealousy.

He still wasn’t sure how it happened, exactly.

At first he’d been certain they’d singled him out only to heap contempt upon him, upon one such as he that sought to better himself -- even though, rationally, Dean knew there was no way for them to know anything about him. Still, it was something he was well used to from the families that had deigned to raise him, and from the people amid the places he’d traveled. That he might be equal to them never seemed to cross their minds.

It was rare, for Dean, to find any who didn’t look down on him. He had once wondered if he had been born under an ill star, but that was pure superstition and he refused to take such a thing seriously.

It hadn’t stopped him from believing it when he was merely a child, but he was grown now, and educated, and knew better.

Every day he walked to Redmond awaiting the moment the twins would turn away from him. He half expected them to sneer and wonder why they had ever thought they’d have anything in common with someone as common as him, someone who’d been sold more than once and considered more trouble than he was worth.

It ate at Dean, because he’d actually come to like the twins. Not just for how attractive they were, but for Jimmy’s optimistic enthusiasm, Cas’s sarcastic wit, their unparalleled minds and their easy acceptance of him – well, Dean might be a little biased, he supposed. It all meant that he had to school his features whenever he was around Cas and Jimmy for fear of giving himself away. He had to watch every word he said, for surely if he let slip the things he thought of when he saw them, the things he did at night in the privacy of his room beneath his blankets, they would be disgusted with him and he’d lose the only friends he’d ever gained. He did not count the fleeting friendships of childhood, since it hadn’t taken all that much to break those bonds, and friendship in general had not been encouraged. He also didn’t count many of the acquaintances he’d met in his travels, or the odd jobs he’d done, as those were relations forged only by necessity.

Though a few had come close, none were  so close as this.

For the first time in his twenty odd years, Dean’s heart was in his throat, his happiness wrapped up in the existence of others who were not his long-lost brother.

It was frightening, to be perfectly honest.

It made Dean short of breath to realize how easily they could break him, when he’d striven so long to be strong and unbreakable. And when he suddenly realized they were actually cultivating more friendships beyond just his, he couldn’t help but to feel a bit betrayed.

Deans steps faltered as he approached their now traditional meeting place along the west wall of the college, beside the red maple, it’s beautiful and vibrant colors lost to the cold of the season, and it’s branches laden with snow. Although the twins stood where he expected them to be, they were not alone.

Beside them stood a tall man with almost shoulder length, and certainly unfashionable, long hair and bright hazel eyes. He’d heard whispers about the new student, who apparently started at the beginning of the semester. It was odd timing, being the dead of winter, and even odder still was the fact he was American. Dean had only started noticing him a few days ago, a week at most, his height making him stick out whenever Dean walked across campus. He wondered if it was the man’s striking height that caught the Novak’s eye and he tried to stamp down the jealousy that came alongside the sight of the new student.

Cas turned and saw him first, waving him over. Reluctantly, Dean joined them.

“Ah, Mr. Winchester –” Jimmy was smirking as he used Dean’s surname for the first time in months. He was up to something, Dean supposed. It quickly became apparent what that was. “I’d like you to meet our new acquaintance, _another_ Mr. Winchester. Did you know he’s also from America? I didn’t know they grew them so tall there.”

“Samuel, please,” Samuel Winchester – apparently – said good-naturedly, holding out his hand. “I suppose being as tall as I am and American, I was bound to get picked out of the crowd. But I assure you, I’m nothing special.”

Dean took his hand slowly, staring at the young man. His jealousy over a possible new friendship suddenly took a wild swing towards something he hadn’t dared to feel in years. “I suppose you’re right,” Dean said carefully, “I may be wrong, but I think we’re the only two attending this school year.”

“This may be rude to ask, but is Winchester a common surname in the Americas? Jimmy and I couldn’t help but wonder if the two of you might be related?” Cas asked.

Continuing to stare, Dean didn’t let go of Samuel’s hand until the other man cleared his throat and tugged. Startled, Dean dropped his hand as if burned and shook himself out of his trance. “I’m sorry, I’m afraid I can’t answer that other than that I haven’t met many in my lifetime.”

“I have no family,” Samuel said stiffly. “None left living, anyway.”

A pall fell over the four of them, silence reigning with only the muted sounds of their colleagues walking by to their own classes, chattering gaily, breaking it. Dean stood still, staring.

It couldn’t be? Not after all this time... right? What were the odds? It had to be a strange coincidence and this couldn’t possibly be Sammy? Yet... he couldn’t _not_ ask.

Gulping, Dean pushed onward. “Did you have a brother?”

Samuel stood motionless, staring at Dean, his eyes growing heated. “I said I have no family, and I’ll thank you not to pry.” He turned stiffly and stalked away, leaving Dean to stare after him, his mouth opening and closing like that of a fish.

“Dean? Are you all right?” A hand touched his arm and drew Dean’s attention down to it. He followed the gloved fingers up the attached arm till he landed on Cas’s concerned face. He pulled away and stumbled backwards.

He wanted - oh God, did he want - to unburden himself to Cas and Jimmy. But so many years of relying only on oneself made it impossible. Add to that, too, that he was still so unsure why they were even friends with him in the first place, that he dared not risk scaring them away with his problems.

It was a pretty pickle. Throughout his life, all he wanted was someone who he could turn to, someone he could confide in. Someone to love and be loved by - in any fashion that he could acquire, both platonically and more. It was a longing he was well familiar with, one that had multiplied two fold or more when he’d met the twins. Had increased yet again when Samuel arrived. It was an overwhelming feeling -

And he was still as alone as ever, hobbled by his own distrust, fear, and insecurities.

“Fine. I’m fine. Perhaps a bit unwell... Not sleeping. I think I’ll return home and…” he trailed off and blinked before turning and making his way home in a daze. His mind whirled.

It _had_ to be Sammy, right? John must have drunk himself to death, leaving his young son alone in the world. Dean could only hope that whatever experiences Sam had gone through, they hadn’t been as heartbreakingly dreadful as the ones Dean had. And he couldn’t possibly expect a boy who’d been all of two years of age to remember the brother that disappeared. If he remembered anything – what would John have told Sam? Would he just not have spoken of Dean until the memory of having a brother was clear gone from his mind? Or would he have told Sam that Dean died, to take away the hope of his return?

In all his wandering and searching, all of his dreams of the future, this was one scenario he had not thought upon. Not that he hadn’t considered its possibility, but that he’d refused it as acceptable. He found himself in his rented room, unaware of the walk between the campus and the house he was staying at, and stared blankly at the wall with his heart wrenching.

It _had_ to be his brother. They were of like heights and builds, had similar eye colors, plus the same last name and nationality. He had little to no family, just as Dean remembered, and he had his brother’s name! All of that combined… surely there couldn’t be another like him?

His brother was so close and yet so far from his grasp.

Dean sat heavily on the bed, ignoring the wrinkles that spread beneath him as he pulled out the faded and torn photograph he always kept on his person. It was the one possession he never wanted to lose sight of, for you never knew what the day had in store for you, and it would not do to have to leave in a hurry and not have it.

Not that Dean had had to do that all too often, but often enough.

He let his fingertips trace across the front of the photo and once again, started to hope.

 

* * *

 

 

Despite their initial icy meeting, tension between them thawed, thankfully, allowing Dean a breath of relief. Dean let the matter drop, though it itched him not to bring it up again. He was afraid that to do so would not only make Samuel purse his lips tight, but would cease all contact. So he decided to take it slow, let Samuel get comfortable enough with the three of them before Dean started asking the more personal questions.

Why Jimmy and Cas were suddenly friendly with this Samuel Winchester when before they’d been content with only Dean, Dean still couldn’t figure, but he had to concede it wasn’t any of his business. They didn’t seem to pay Samuel any undue attention that Dean wished for himself, and that helped.

Soon, the four of them were good friends with only slight bouts of friction. It turned out that though American Samuel may be, he’d been taken in by the Singer family and raised in Canada from the time he was ten years old. If Samuel had any other family, besides the father that had wasted away of a long illness, he couldn’t remember them. With every little thing he revealed, however infrequently, Dean was more and more convinced that this was, indeed, his little brother.

But how did he convince Samuel of that?

Spring was warming up nicely, the school semester more than half over, and Dean still had no better answer than that he _had no answer_. Until the day that Samuel had asked the question that Dean had not.

“Why is it that we are your only friends – if I may be so bold as to call us such?” Samuel inquired of the twins.

“Why not? Few people have intrigued us enough to stop and say hello, and it is fewer still who prove worth the risk of becoming more than mere acquaintances. Jimmy and I are not fond of strangers or crowded areas. Coming to school was… and is… a hardship we chose to endure. We have no family left to call our own and it’s not often we feel the loss, but… for some odd reason, when we arrived we felt… homesick.”

“It was an unusual feeling, considering that we have lost our home more than once. How can you be homesick for something that does not exist?” Jimmy added.

“I wonder,” Dean mused, “if that is what drew the four of us together?”

Samuel and the twins turned to look at him and he explained further. “If you think about it, while our details may vary somewhat - and I wouldn’t fool myself into thinking that we are at all privy to every detail of our pasts - we all seem to have lost our loved ones and our homes and had, perhaps, less than ideal childhoods. Many of our peers cannot say the same. I, for one, know that I have a brother somewhere in the world but I can’t find him. Despite that I know he exists, I’m still apart from him. I find myself not homesick for a place, but for a person who probably doesn’t even remember me.”

Dean’s heart was in his throat as he watched Samuel carefully out of the corner of his eye, trying to gauge the reaction to his words.

“What was your brother’s name?” Jimmy asked, staring hard at Dean. Dean had a feeling the twins, at least, were on to him.

“Sammy,” Dean answered. “At least, that is how I remember it. I was fairly young at the time we were separated, he even younger. I suppose it could have been short for Samuel.” The pounding of his heart was extremely loud in his ears.

“What a coincidence that your brother shares the same name of our young friend here,” Jimmy pointed out.

“I find it a remarkable coincidence as well,” Samuel bit out, standing up from the wall they’d been leaning against. “I don’t know what you expect to get out of pretending to be my dead brother, but I don’t find it very funny at all. Good day.”

He jerked away from them and stalked off, Dean once more left gaping. His heart both soared and plummeted, a hole ripped into his chest at Samuel’s denial, and yet, he’d confirmed enough for Dean to believe it _was_ his brother.

The conflicted feelings turned to fury and he clenched his fists and ground his teeth together. “Why won’t he _liste_ _n_?”

“Dean,” Cas said softly.

Dean spun towards him. “What?”

“If he truly is your brother, this must come as a shock to him, especially if he’s believed you were dead all this time. Just… give him time to come around. I’m sure all will be well.”

Turning away, refusing to face the brothers and their pity, Dean growled out, “You can’t know that!”

“I know what it is to lose family. I know what it is to fear that I would lose my brother,” Cas said softly. Emotion flitted over his face too rapidly for Dean to catch, but he saw Jimmy gulp and lay concerned eyes on Cas, his hand reaching out to grasp his twin’s shoulder. “I know that it’s something that would change me, something that I fear I would never recover from, and I am not a child.”

“That’s different,” Dean protested.

“How?”

Dean opened his mouth and closed it again. He had no answer, nothing that would make sense. It just felt different for some unfathomable reason. He reached for something to say, only finding one inadequate response that had him wincing even as he said it, “He’s still here.” _You haven’t lost him. You don’t know what it is to stand before someone and have them not know you. Whoever you’ve lost, if they stood before you and denounced you, would that be the same as having lost them? To regain and have them turn their backs on you? Is that the same?_

The worlds swirled incomprehensibly, mixing and twisting and scattering in his thoughts so that he couldn’t bring voice to them. Abruptly, he pushed away from the wall and left, not once looking up at the twins to see their pitying faces.

No recognition from his brother, the one dream he’d held onto even when he’d thought he’d let it go. Pity from the twins whom he was fairly certain he’d fallen in love with. A lust for men that was frowned upon by society, schooling he had no idea what to do with when he was done, and to top it all with rent that was due in a few days.

Of course, this was Dean Winchester's life.

He was a fool to think he could be anything better then the little boy who’d been sold again and again and again, or beaten because he thought he _could_ do better.

 

* * *

 

 

Dean didn’t return to school for a couple of days after the incident with Samuel and the twins grew worried. They knew where his boarding house was, from a previous (though brief) visit, so they took it upon themselves to call upon him and check that he was all right.

A bearded man answered the door with a raised brow. They blinked, unable to figure if this was the landlord or another boarder, as they hadn’t met anyone the last time they were there.

“My apologies, gentlemen, but there are no open rooms available right now,” the man said with a light accent and a confused look.

“No, we’re not here to rent a room,” Jimmy answered first, wondering what on earth would give the man the impression that they were when they’d called upon him with no luggage of any kind. “We are, in fact, here to check on one of the tenants that lives here. Dean Winchester. He’s a classmate of ours and we wanted to – ” He paused, exchanging a look with Cas, hurriedly coming up with a plausible excuse for the intrusion in case Dean was angry that they were invading his privacy. “Er, ask if he’d like us to drop off any new class assignments.”

“Ah, you’re here to see Dean?”

 _That’s what I said_ , Jimmy thought. “Yes,” the twins nodded.

The three of them stood there awkwardly. What the bearded man might have been waiting for, Jimmy didn’t know, but the silence was becoming too unbearable. What was the man thinking? Was he going to refuse them entry? Had _Dean_ refused them entry and is that why he wasn’t moving to get Dean? Was Jimmy standing too close to Cas, or had they done something suspicious? Did he suspect that -

A sigh broke into Jimmy’s rapidly descending thoughts.

“I’ll see if Dean’s up for taking visitors,” the bearded man said with a glare.

Cas and Jimmy both frowned after the man, exchanging wary glances. He led them into a parlor and bade them a seat before disappearing upstairs.

Talking softly, Jimmy leaned over to Cas. “Did it escape your notice how reluctant he was to check with Dean about us?”

“It very much did not,” Cas said, as equally soft. “You don’t think he’ll try to keep us away, do you?”

“You mean, what if he doesn’t tell Dean we’re even here?” Jimmy asked incredulously.

Cas nodded, both of them keeping an eye upon the door so the man wouldn’t sneak up on them with neither of them the wiser. It wouldn’t do to be caught talking like this, especially if their fears were unfounded. It wouldn’t lend them into his good graces and if he was the keeper of the door, then that was something they most needed.

It was a long few moments before the man reappeared looking, if it were even possible, even grumpier than before, though he tried to mask it.

“This way,” he grumbled. They rose and followed him up two flights before they came to a stop on the landing. He pointed down the hall. “End of the hall, last door on the right.”

“Thank you,” Cas said. Jimmy just nodded as the man turned and left.

Taking a deep breath, the twins made their way down the narrow hall and stopped in front of Dean’s door. Jimmy raised his hand to knock when Dean’s voice called out, startling them. “Come in.”

They exchanged glances again, this time bemused. _How had Dean known they were already right there?_ Jimmy leaned in and opened the door. The twins found Dean standing and looking out a window, though he turned when they stepped inside the room. It was simple, but nice; neat and clean, they noted with approval.

“It’s not much of a view, but I’ve seen worse,” Dean commented, shrugging.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas said. Jimmy nodded, echoing the greeting.

“Hello Cas, Jimmy. Benny said you wanted to ask me something about school?” Dean looked at them disbelievingly.

“We admit – that was just a pretext. Though we could bring you class assignments if you so wished,” Cas offered.

Dean sighed. “That won’t be necessary. I plan on returning tomorrow.” He hesitated. “But um… thank you.” Looking awkwardly about the room, Dean seemed to come to a realization. “I’d invite you to sit, but I don’t exactly have any chairs up here.”

“That… does present a pretty problem,” Cas said gruffly, swallowing. A quiet sound beside him made him aware that Jimmy had done the same.

The twins tried very hard not to think about how the bed would be more than sufficient to address the lack of chairs. Especially considering how their minds tended to wander into the territory of all the things they could be doing in said bed, and how they wished Dean was amenable to joining them.

Before the silence could turn awkward – or more awkward than it already was – Dean spoke again. “How about some tea? I can ask Benny if we can put on the kettle and sit in the parlor and talk there. Don’t worry, he won’t bother us if what you’ve come to talk about is particularly private.”

“That sounds wonderful,” Jimmy agreed. “I am a bit parched.”

Dean led them back downstairs, showing them to the same parlor they’d originally waited in. When he finally returned, with a tea tray in hand, a young girl was following along with another tray.

“This is Elizabeth. She’d like to join us for tea while her father is out running an errand. And then she is supposed to be working on her homework.” Dean gave the twins an apologetic look, unable to do much else until he set the tray down.

Jimmy was disappointed that he and Cas would be unable to talk to Dean as frankly as they’d wished, but seeing the eagerness on the little girl’s face, neither could he say no. Cas, apparently, felt the same.

“We would be _honored_ if you joined us, Ms. Elizabeth,” Cas said with a charming smile.

Dean had already set about readying the tea with a raised eyebrow as he looked first at Cas, then Jimmy, with his hand poised over the sugar bowl. He smiled and mouthed, ‘ _Thank you_ ’ to Cas at his words.

They had a much pleasanter time then they’d anticipated when they first walked out to go see Dean. He seemed to be in better spirits than when they’d last seen him, and he would be returning to school on the morrow. Without saying a word, their mission had been accomplished.

Their burning curiosity was, however, quite unabated.

Oh well. They’d simply have to ask about the Samuel and Dean situation another time. If Dean were at all curious about what their pretext had been a cover for, he didn’t show it. By the time Benny came to collect Elizabeth, it was dinner time, and they knew without asking that they had outstayed their welcome.

Benny, they learned, was Elizabeth's father and the landlord of the house. And the glare he directed at the twins only smoothed out when Dean was looking.

They could read the signs. For whatever reason, Benny did not approve of them – _Did he know? Would he try to poison Dean against them if he did?_

Whatever the case may be, it was time to make their exit.


	5. Chapter 4 - The Fires Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Character Deaths in this chapter

Despite Samuel avoiding Dean for a few days, followed by weeks of awkward tension whenever they met up, the Winchesters and the Novaks came to an unspoken agreement to let bygones be bygones and to never speak of the topic again.

It was altogether an unsatisfying situation, but if Dean were to have any sort of relationship with the man he believed to be his brother, then he’d take what he could get. And if he wished for more, well then, that was Dean’s problem, wasn’t it? He’d just have to get over it.

Eventually, things went back to the new normal that Dean had somehow fallen into.  Though S amuel was not in the same year as the others, the four of them still managed to gather often to study together. It was, more often than not, just an excuse to spend more time in each other’s presence, as they had no other social circles and no desire to attend most of the school activities. Sometimes they met at Dean’s, a few times at Cas and Jimmy’s. Most often, if the weather was nice, they would sit out by the maple tree on campus they always met at.

Tonight, it had been Samuel’s turn to host. Dean had approved of the place the first time he’d seen it; it was even nicer than Benny’s but not exceedingly expensive. Of course, neither Samuel’s nor Dean’s place wer e anything to compare to Cas and Jimmy’s.

Of course, neither of the twins would be able to make it tonight, taking away the buffer between the Winchesters. They’d made their excuses shortly before it was time to meet up and now Dean was here, in Samuel’s room, with their books between them and the rather strong suspicion that it had been deliberate on the part of the twins to leave Dean and Samuel alone like this.

If only Dean could take advantage of that in the way he wished. He looked up, biting his lip, then back down again. He wanted to say something, but he had to respect Samu el’s wishes.

He couldn’t afford to alienate him so thoroughly as to lose all possible chance to ever broach the subject again.

Samuel sighed and put down his pen. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“You’ve made it perfectly clear that you  _ don’t _ , so let’s get back to –”

“Dean, you’re obviously very uncomfortable in my presence and if we’re both to remain friends with the Novak’s, who’ve been so kind as to take me under their wing, I think it best if we try to officially clear the air between us.”

Dean licked his lips nervously and shot a look up at Sam. “Are you sure?”

Samuel sighed again. “I think you may be delusional but…” He shrugged. “You don’t seem to have any ill intentions, or the Novak’s would not have befriended you.”

“Yeah?” Dean gave a tentative smile. “Okay then. Well, maybe I’m mistaken, but I’ve spent so long looking for my brother, that I owed it to myself – and to him – to at least find out. You can understand that, I’m sure?”

Samuel nodded. “I can. I think it’s admirable that you’ve tried at all. Most people…” He shook his head. “I know that were my own brother still alive, I would do whatever I needed to find him.”

“Thank you for understanding. I suppose I should start at the beginning.” Dean took a breath. “What I remember first… there was a fire and we – my brother and I – lost Mom. Dad didn’t take it well and started drinking a lot. Things got hard, we were going hungry and then… then he sold me to a random family when I was six.” Dean clenched his hands together in his lap; it still angered him that someone could do that to a child, to their own flesh and blood, so easily as his father had.

Samuel made a sound of disbelief and disgust and Dean looked up to see his eyes wide with horror. “How could someone do that?”

Dean shook his head. “If I knew the answer to that…” He reached a hand up to rub through his hair and then dropped it back into his lap. “I sometimes wonder if Dad… if he knew how I’d be treated, if he still would have done it. I…”

Standing up, Dean reached into his pocket, pulling out the old, faded photograph that had seen much wear. He handed it to Samuel. “There were times when the only thing that got me through it all was looking at that, remembering that I had a family out there, somewhere. A  _ real _ family. I had a brother who cared, even if my dad didn’t. Even if my brother couldn’t remember me. As soon as I could… I left and started my search.”

With careful fingers, Samuel took the photograph and stared at it, eyes still wide.

“Dad’s name was John, my mother’s name was Mary, and I had a little brother called Sammy. We lived in America, but the search has been so… so  _ hard _ , because I can’t remember  _ where _ .” Dean ground out the last bit frustratingly. “I was just  _ too damn little _ .”

He looked up at Samuel who had not torn his eyes away from the photo.

Dean knew well what Sam would see. He’d long since memorized it. It was black and white and everyone was stiff as a board. It was in front of a fireplace, and there was a rather large window to one side letting in light through the long, floor length curtains. A woman with curly hair held an infant in her arms, the long white dress the baby wore draping artfully over her arms and her leg. Four-year-old Dean was sat between her and the dark-haired man, his hand resting on Dean’s shoulder. Dean remembered the feel of it, in a vague sense, the comfort and strength he’d taken from the touch. How it had turned sour on him a bare few years later when the man who was supposed to care for him exchanged his own flesh and blood for cash.

“Does any of this ring a bell?” Dean asked, shaking away thoughts of his father, turning to look at Samuel hopefully.

“So, if you’ve been looking so hard, why are you here? At Redmond?” Samuel said harshly.

Sitting heavily, Dean looked away from him. “I’m not proud to admit it, but I… I hit a low point. I don’t remember enough for a proper search. Maybe Sammy’s not even there anymore. What if Dad sold him too? What if he had to… I started imagining all sorts of horrible things that could have happened.”

Twisting his hands together, Dean forced himself to keep going. He had to put himself out there, had to do what every instinct was screaming at him  _ not  _ to do. He had to trust Samuel. Because if there was any chance Samuel was  _ his  _ Sammy, Dean needed to know. He couldn’t come this far to fall back now.

“I found myself here, in this town, with no idea where and how to continue. I was doing odd jobs when it was suggested to me that maybe I should try some schooling. Maybe I’d learn something that could help. I sure as hell hope it does, because I’ve got to be honest, I have no idea what I’m gonna do with any of this stuff I’ve learned.” Dean paused, then whispered, “Finding Sammy’s been my one goal in life. When do I give up? How do I make that decision that enough’s enough…? That it’s a lost cause? What do I do when –  _ if  _ \-- I do?”

A sound made Dean look up, and he saw Samuel’s head bent, his shoulders shaking.

Was Samuel  _ laughing  _ at him? Like all those families that had taken Dean in ‘out of the goodness of their hearts’ because he was too dumb to survive without them, only for them to turn around and take advantage of him, and work and beat him near to death? He opened his mouth for an angry comment, when Samuel spoke.

“All this time, I thought you were  _ dead,  _ Dean. Dad  _ sold  _ you?” Samuel’s voice cracked.

“Sammy?” Dean whispered, hardly daring to believe his ears.

Samuel nodded. “Just, just Sam, please?”

Dean laughed a little hysterically. “It’s really you?”

Sam nodded again and reached for Dean and that’s when he finally realized he’d broken down and tears were running down his face. The two embraced for a few long moments before Dean cleared his throat and pulled away. He stared at his brother –  _ his brother –  _ wonderingly.

“I can’t believe I found you – and on accident after all I’ve done!” Dean said, a grin breaking out over his face. He couldn’t stop beaming, couldn’t stop how happy he felt to finally have his brother back, to be part of a  _ real  _ family again. “Tell me everything. Dad – he didn’t…?” Dean couldn’t bring himself to say it.

“No!” Sam hurriedly shook his head. “No, we moved from America. I don’t even remember it, really. I almost don’t remember you, except that I asked Dad so often when you were coming back, that I somehow kept your memory alive. It helped that… I have a photo too, from when we were both a little older than that.” Sam nodded down at the photograph Dean hadn’t realized he’d put down on top of their books. “Some part of me never believed him. Maybe he was afraid I’d chase after you. I don’t know.”

Shrugging, Sam continued, “Anyway, I don’t know how soon after, but Dad just packed us up and we went north to stay with the only people he had left that would tolerate him, Bobby and Karen Singer. Dad died a few years later and they raised me. It’s been a good life, Dean. Whatever you’ve suffered, I didn’t and… I’m sorry for that.”

“No! Don’t be sorry that you didn’t suffer the same fate. And I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at Dad. Though,” Dean bit his lip thoughtfully, “maybe the money he sold me for wasn’t for more alcohol. Maybe… maybe it was his travel money? If my being sold off brought you to a better life, then I can’t find it in myself to completely regret that it happened.”

“Dean – ” Sam started and Dean raised up a hand.

“Look, I’m not saying I  _ wanted  _ the things that happened to me to happen, or that I ain’t mad about it. What I am saying,” Dean fidgeted under Sam’s stare but held his ground, “is that at least something good came from it. I can take solace in that. And it ain’t your fault, either. You didn’t cause the fire that killed Mom and sent Dad into a spiral. You didn’t hand me over. You were practically a baby, Sam. None of the blame falls on either of us.”

Blowing out a breath, Sam nodded. “I can see your point and I’ll accept it. I simply wish things had gone different. I would have loved to have grown up with my brother. We’re practically  _ strangers _ , Dean.”

“We’re not. We’ve known each other for months now, and everything else, we can fix. Tell me all about where you grew up, about Bobby and Karen. We won’t be strangers anymore,” Dean pointed out.

“Only if you return the favor,” Sam insisted.

“Trust me, you don’t want to hear most of what I’ve got to say,” Dean protested.

“But it will help me learn the person you are, the brother I’d forgotten,” Sam pleaded, his face turning sad and his eyes growing wide and innocent and –

“Alright, fine! But…” Dean sighed, pushing his hand through his hair once again. He glanced up, meeting Sam’s eyes. “Just... let me work up to it, all right?”

“Of course, I can do that,” Sam agreed readily.

Sam and Dean talked for so long that Dean missed dinner at the boarding house, something he never did. He still couldn’t believe, sometimes, how the boarding house had begun to feel like home sometime during his first year. He thought that had much to do with Benny and Elizabeth, who were both equal parts stubborn, kind, and thoughtful.

Redmond had changed him, Dean thought bemusedly. He’d made friends – first with his landlord and his daughter, then with Cas and Jimmy, and finally Sam. He still hadn’t entrusted anyone with the secrets of his past but, he’d let them all in deeper than he’d ever let anyone before.

Dean bid goodnight to Sam with a light heart and walked back towards Benny in a daze.

He had his brother back.

A giddy feeling ran through him and he broke out into a grin.

The grin faded though when the smell of smoke grew too thick to be normal. His steps slowed and he looked around. It had grown too quiet all of a sudden... He resumed walking towards Lafitte’s but it wasn’t long before Dean noticed an orange glow peeking out between buildings. His pace quickened till he was in an all out run, and he raced down the street.

He found Benny’s place on fire and he froze in place in the middle of the street.

Dean still had nightmares of the fire that destroyed his family, of flames that reached for him with grasping, hand shaped tendrils. Screaming and crying –

Shaking himself, Dean forced himself forward towards the boarding house that had been his home for nearly four years. He noticed, only then, that it wasn’t the only building on fire. Even as he took that in, another one further down the block seemed to sprout flames.

He flung open the front door and tried to push into the house, running through the current list of tenants in his head. Most were able bodied, but two were not. Dean hadn’t seen Benny in the growing crowd on the street, but surely, he’d been home?

Taking the stairs two at a time, Dean lunged for the first landing and headed for Mr. Lee’s room. Without thinking, Dean yanked at the doorknob, burning his palm on the heated metal. Despite the burn, he’d twisted the knob enough to open the door. The old man was close by, fallen to the floor, coughing from smoke. Dean rushed to his side and helped him up. It was agonizingly slow, but Dean got him out of the room and down the stairs.

He reached the front door just as Benny ran in. He was already covered in soot, some of his clothing fire damaged, and Dean knew he’d already been in the building.

“How many are left?” Dean shouted over the roar of the flames, though it was less just there at the door. Thank God for a clear egress.

“I can’t find Elizabeth!” Benny shouted, eyes wide with horror. Dean cursed, but he couldn’t turn to help Benny. He had to get Mr. Lee out first.

By the time Dean had gotten the old man to safety and turned around to go back in, he saw Benny dragged back out by one of the neighbors. Behind them, part of the building collapsed, preventing anyone from going back in. Benny stumbled and fell to his knees and Dean caught him by the shoulders.

“Benny?”

“I didn’t find her, Dean!” Benny grabbed Dean’s shirt in both hands and sobbed, his head banging into Dean's chest. “Oh God, brother, I couldn’t find her!”

Brother.

_ Oh God, Sam. _

Dean looked up at the burning buildings, shocked at how in the short time he’d been inside, the fire had spread further. He saw it going straight down the block.

Straight towards Sam’s boarding house.

_No. No, no, no, no!_ _I just got Sam back!_ He couldn’t lose more family to the flames.

When he came back to himself, a man was prying Benny off of Dean. “Are you hurt? Let me check you over.”

“Benny. I’m sorry. I’ve got to go. My brother – I’ve got to go!” Dean yanked out of Benny’s grip even as Benny nodded, tears still in his eyes.

“Go. Try to save him. I wish you more luck than I had,” Benny croaked.

Dean nodded and took Benny’s blessing with him as he ran, one thought only in his mind -

Save Sam.

Dean coughed as he pushed his way through the smoke into Sam’s boarding house. He still didn’t know where the fire had started but it had spread quickly, too quickly. As fast as Dean had run, it didn’t look like he’d made it in time.

He ignored the voice that whispered he already was too late.

Dean couldn’t let the fires destroy his life again. He couldn’t. He had no one else and he  _ just _ got Sam back.

Dean pushed on, shouting Sam’s name.

 

* * *

Jimmy and Cas paused their walk through the park to frown over at the red glow creeping over the trees. They often walked at night so they could be close to each other in ways they normally couldn’t allow themselves, and since they’d discovered early on that the park was nearly deserted after a certain time of night, it gave them an opportunity they would not often have.

It was still a risk, but it was one they were willing to take. To feel as any other couple would, that they had a right to be themselves, to be together.

But tonight was different. Instead of a slow, meandering walk through moonlight, Jimmy had tensed beside him, squeezing Cas’s fingers painfully and coming to a halt. Cas immediately followed suit, following Jimmy’s gaze to see what had caused such a reaction.

“Cas?” Jimmy asked quietly, trepidation clear in his voice. Jimmy didn’t need to say anything further. They both still had nightmares of the fires of their youth. Cas blinked as he took in the size of the red glow on the horizon.

“Jimmy, is it just me, or is that fire rather large?”

“Cas,” Jimmy whispered again, panic lacing his voice this time as he lurched forward, dragging his brother with him. “That’s the district the Winchesters live in!”

Jimmy no longer needed to urge Cas on. Cas now ran right at his heels, desperation and worry also clinging to his every step. The closer they got, the brighter the sky grew, the red glow casting a nightmarish glint over everything they could see. It didn’t take long for the smoke to appear, making it harder to breathe.

They skidded to a halt, panting, gazing up at Dean’s boarding house in growing horror. As they watched, sparks flew up when something collapsed inside the building. Neither of them could take their eyes off of it, Jimmy’s hand - still in Cas’s grip – was shaking.

Cas whirled around, desperately looking for Dean or at least someone they could talk to. He spotted Benny Lafitte, the owner of the boarding house. Benny’s clothes were tattered and his face covered in soot, ash, and blood. He looked dazedly at his home and Cas felt a pang of sympathy for the man, despite his previous jealousy of Benny. He certainly understood what it was like to lose everything - or nearly everything.

He flexed his fingers around Jimmy’s hand to reassure both himself and his brother that they were both still there, still alive, and then made his way through the gathering crowd of chaos and victims and helpers, Cas dragging Jimmy over to Benny’s side.

“Mr. Lafitte!” Cas had to shout over the roar of flames and the noise of everyone around them. There were shouts of direction and warning, crying and wailing of those who were hurt, or those already grieving. With another quick look around, Cas realized who, other than Dean, was missing. It took a long moment before Benny looked up. He blinked slowly over at them but didn’t say a single word to otherwise acknowledge their presence.

“Mr. Lafitte, I’m glad you’re safe! Did… did everyone else get out?” Jimmy leaned in close to be heard. Cas sucked in an unheard gasp, knowing already at least part of Benny’s answer.

“I… yes, yes, I think so,” Benny said slowly. “Except for… except for my Elizabeth.” Benny’s face crumpled and he covered it in both hands. Beneath them, Cas could see the shuddering breaths he took.

Exchanging grim looks, Jimmy took a deep breath and started choking on the smoke. He still pushed out the words, “Dean – what about Dean? If he got out, why isn’t he here? Was he hurt?”

“He… he ran off, after it became clear there was nothing more to do here, and that the fire was spreading.” Benny pointed off down the street towards where the Novak’s knew the other Winchester lived, all while tears ran down Benny’s dirty face.

There was nothing they could do for Benny, but a feeling of dread pooled low in Cas’s gut. He just knew Dean would try to save Sam. Dean was convinced Samuel was his brother, and it was what Cas would do. Had tried to do before. He clapped a hand on Benny’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Benny. And thank you.”

“You make sure that boy isn’t doing anything stupid, alright?” Benny looked them both in the eyes, wiping at his face. Something unsaid passed between them and Cas and Jimmy nodded, their hearts in their throats.

It seemed they had badly misjudged Benny.

They wasted not a second more as they dashed down the street, dreading what they would find. They could already be too late.

It didn’t take long to reach the other building, dodging between all the people attempting to save their homes as they ran.

Jimmy pulled on Cas’s arm, yanking him back before he could run into the burning building. “You can’t go in there, Cas! It looks like the place is ready to collapse!”

“I have to – you  _ know _ Dean’s in there. And if he isn’t out yet… Sam could be hurt or trapped. Dean could use my help,” Cas insisted, trying to tug free of Jimmy’s grip.

“Cas…” Jimmy breathed. There was fear in his eyes and Cas hated seeing it there more than anything. “It could already be too late. Don’t make me lose you!”

“I’ll be careful,” Cas promised.

“I’ll go with you.” Jimmy’s eyes were wide and frantic, his breathing more erratic then their run could account for.

“No, I need you to stay here. I need to know one of you is safe,” Cas pleaded, his mind nearly overtaken with m emories of the fire that took nearly everyone from him... how he’d failed to save anyone else except his twin and their youngest brother. H e couldn’t bear that again. “I can’t save you both at the same time.”

Jimmy shuddered and his eyes closed, but he nodded. “Okay, but you better come back alive or I’m haunting you.”

Shaking his head at the ridiculousness of the statement, Cas wished that they weren’t in such a public place so that he could kiss his brother and ease the worry that strained his face. “Of course, brother.”

Cas pulled away from Jimmy, turned, and ran inside. Sam was on the fourth floor of the boarding house and he hoped to God the stairs were still sound or that he would run across Dean and Sam already on their way down. They hadn’t been outside, so what could have delayed them so long?

Worry pounded through him as he took the steps as fast as he could. He refrained from shouting. It wouldn’t do him any good except to take his breath away; neither Dean nor Sam would hear him and he’d only take in more of the black smoke that thickened the stairway and halls.

He finally found Dean on the fourth floor, banging futilely at Sam’s door. Despite his resolve not to, Cas shouted for Dean, only to go unheard. He lurched forward, watching in horror as Dean grabbed the door knob, twisting and thrusting his shoulder at the door. The other side must be blocked and the door was in flames, smoke pouring out from underneath and through the cracks – no wonder Sam hadn’t made his escape.

No wonder Dean was still inside.

Cas grabbed Dean’s arm and pulled, but Dean didn’t let up. He yelled, the sound of it lost as he tried to move forward against Cas’s hold. Cas grabbed him more fully, wrapping both arms around him and leaned in to yell directly into his ear, to be sure that Dean heard him.

“Dammit, Dean! Don’t make Jimmy lose both of us because you’re too stubborn to see your brother’s already gone!”

Dean let out a cry full of despair and slumped, briefly becoming a dead weight in Cas’s arms before he recovered. Tears welled in his eyes, but dried in the heat before they could run down his fac e. Much to Cas’s relief, Dean nodded in short, jerking movements, pushing himself up rather dazedly. Cas quickly tugged Dean’s shirt up over his nose and mouth to help him breathe easier; who knew how much smoke was already in Dean’s lungs? The action caused Dean to panic, his head jerking away with wide eyes and Cas had to move with him to keep the fabric in place, all the while trying to project his intentions to calm Dean. 

It was the only hope either of them had to make it out alive. 

Cas was thankful to see Dean’s eyes calming as he clutched at Cas, and Cas tightened his own grip on Dean, unwilling to lose him to the fire. They stumbled through the house and to the stairs, flames surrounding them on nearly all sides, closing in too fast. They rushed, almost falling in their haste to get through before the fire did, the stairs creaking dangerously under their combined weight. 

They had made it to the bottom and the door to safety was in sight, split wide open and waiting for them, when suddenly Cas was shoved forward so hard he stumbled to his knees just a few inches from their escape. 

Befuddled and coughing, rather than taking the escape within his grasp, Cas turned back for Dean. Horror turned Cas’ blood to ice as he watched Dean fall to his knees just as he heard something creak and snap.

Too slow to move, Cas watched part of the ceiling fall. He shouted uselessly as a large beam pinned Dean down, saw his eyes roll up in his head...

It wasn’t just the smoke that made it hard for Cas to breathe as he staggered back up to his feet.

Once again, Cas was helpless to stop his world from crumbling around him.

At least he’d had the foresight to keep Jimmy safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So when I tried to do research on how quickly fires spread and what the fire response was like back before fancy fire engines like we're used to, I found that fires were... different back then? Like, they burned slower than they do now. Slow enough that people went back in to save their BEDS. People still died, and there were still mass tragedies but it was just.. my results were weird. Google and I (When i try to do research) often do not get along. so if anything doesn't mesh up, i'm so sorry...


	6. Chapter 5 - Hospital Stay

While he waited and worried to see if Cas would emerge with the Winchesters, Jimmy was pressed into service in an attempt to get the fire under control. Official help – stretched to its limits with how far and fast the fire was spreading – accepted any help it could get.

He didn’t know how long he waited, how long he hefted buckets that he knew were useless compared to the fire wagons and their pumps, but he couldn’t stop doing what he could to help. His arms were leaden and the acrid taste of smoke was burning his throat, his eyes stinging and blurring before he caught sight of his brother stumbling out of the building, someone in his arms – No, it was Dean.

Jimmy almost collapsed under the weight of warring emotions. Relief that Cas was all right, dread of what state Dean was in given that Cas was carrying him, grief as he realized there was no evidence of Sam.

He managed to get his weak knees to hold him up long enough to stagger over to his brother and his burden. He reached Cas first before anyone else could and helped lift the dead weight of Dean  _ – not dead, oh God don’t let him be dead _ – his mind repeated over and over as he and Cas carried Dean over to a bare section of the cobblestone road, out of the way of frantic helpers.

Breathing hard, Cas leaned on Jimmy as the twins laid Dean out on the ground. As soon as he was out of their arms, both of them crouched beside him to check him over.

“He’s still breathing, thank God,” Jimmy whispered. He knew he couldn’t be heard, but he also could not help the relief filled words. By speaking them aloud it made them real.

He watched as Cas’s hands moved over Dean’s body, checking his head first, drawing away with blood. Jimmy felt faint.

“We need to get him out of here,” Cas spoke into Jimmy’s ear to be heard and Jimmy found himself nodding. They took a few more moments to regain their strength and then together, lifted up their friend. They’d barely taken a few shaky steps – there was no way they could carry him all the way through the park across town to their home despite being determined to try – when they were stopped by a wagon carrying other injured people. Carefully, they climbed on board, settling Dean between them and holding him steady.

It was slow traveling as the wagon continued to stop and pick up more people until they were too full. They made it to the hospital, a better option, Jimmy acknowledged, then simply bringing Dean to their home would have been. Surely all the doctors were either right there at the fire, helping those as they got out, or were here. While Dean was being seen to, the brothers could arrange for transportation back to their place.

Because like hell were they going to leave Dean without a place to stay. They couldn’t change the past, they couldn’t save Sam, but they would do whatever they could to help Dean and be there in the grief that was sure to come.

The next few weeks were horrendous, a pall settling in over the city. Classes were thankfully cancelled, as many of the students and their living situations had been affected by the fire. No one knew how or why it started, but it was the most devastating fire to have ever happened in Kingsport, and the city was reeling with how to deal with it.

In the end, it was surprising to find that there hadn’t been nearly as many deaths as the twins or Dean had expected. Perhaps that was because they were personally affected by several and therefore, it felt that much more devastating. Sam Winchester had been confirmed dead, as had Benny’s daughter. Another classmate of theirs, not one they had been close to, had also died a few days afterwards from injuries sustained during the fire.

Complications was something the twins were deathly afraid of in Dean’s case. It was nightmare inducing, and kept both Jimmy and Cas up every night as they waited for Dean to recover. The doctors assured them that Dean would, that he was going in the right direction and getting stronger, but neither twin would believe it until Dean was up and walking around again. They’d had too many upsets in their lives to just take the word of the doctor. They would only believe their own eyes.

The blow to Dean’s head had left him muddled and confused, dropping asleep at the wink of an eye. One moment he would be talking, the next, drooping. Some of his hair had needed to be shaved off, and there were burns on his body, the worst being upon his palms where he’d grabbed at red hot doorknobs in his search for Sam and upon his arms and shoulders where the flames of the burning beam had settled after he’d pushed Cas out of the way.

Cas had some minor burns along his arms after dragging Dean out from under the heavy wood, but it was nothing in comparison to what Dean had to recover from.

It was too long for their peace of mind that Dean needed to stay at the overcrowded hospital; throughout the weeks, either Cas, or Jimmy, or both of them were there every day to check on Dean and keep him company the times he was awake. The pain and the medications which kept Dean delirious for some time also caused him, more than once, to let slip things Cas and Jimmy knew he would never have admitted to if he’d been cognizant of anything around him.

His admiration could be passed off as a close friendship of someone who had no family, though Cas suspected more, much more. Dean’s words were enough to give Jimmy hope for the future – if they got through this.

But it was the other things he spoke of that made Cas and Jimmy seethe and wish to hunt down every person that had ever hurt Dean. He looked at them more than once in pure and utter confusion.

“Why’re you here?” he slurred out. It was the first time he’d asked, but Dean would ask again and again because he never remembered the conversation. It was also the first time they heard him speak of his childhood, and nothing could have prepared them for what they learned.

Jimmy leaned forward, his hands twitching to take Dean’s but unable while they still had healing to do. Instead, he brushed hair away from his eyes gently. “We care for you, Dean. You’re a good man and our friend. We’re here for you, for anything you need.”

“But  _ why _ ?” Dean was honestly perplexed. “No one’s ever been before. Made it clear I was… was worthless. Not fit to be friends with their children. Not smart enough for schooling. Beatings for every mistake, for every time I dared to try an’ be better than they thought I was.”

“What?” Jimmy drew back in shock and Dean's eyes filled with tears. He closed them and sniffed.

“See? E’en you think so,” he said despondently, as if it were nothing more than to be expected. “I knew you would someday, knew you’d pull away. It always happens. I’ll always end up alone.”

“No, no, Dean, never!” Cas pushed forward, just as aghast at Dean’s words as Jimmy was.  While neither man wished Dean had had to say it, hated that this had been his experience, they were also glad to know. Dean being completely out of it, enough so that he wasn't guarding his words as carefully as he might have, had given the twins the ability to see how Dean truly felt. They never would've realized it before, had no inkling that these were Dean's thoughts or his experiences. Though it hurt to hear him belittle himself, to know that Dean had been so mistreated by others that his trust was hard won and left him believing the twins -- who'd long since fallen completely in love with Dean Winchester -- would leave him... it also gave them hope. Because now that they knew, they could help him. They could teach him his worth, show him that he was loved and worthy of that love.

That they would never leave him.

It worried them, however, that as well as they had thought they knew Dean, they had been much in the dark in this regard. And yet, as they thought back on things, it made sense. Dean didn’t have friends at Redmond, despite having gone for three years. He didn’t have the same excuses as the twins had, and they’d always thought it odd that someone as likeable and loyal as Dean hadn’t found the time to make friends.

This explained so much. After all, it was they who had approached Dean, not the other way around. His trust issues were deep and scarring, and his reticence must have shown easily to their peers.

Benny came to call on Dean during one of their visits and after one such conversation. Disquieted, Cas turned to Benny after the pleasantries and condolences were out of the way.

“Benny, you’ve known Dean longer than either of us. What do you know of his past?”

“To be honest, not much. Anytime the subject was broached, he’d close up and I didn’t press. It don’t take a genius to see when someone’s life has been harder than one deserved. I can see it on him, and on you. It scars a person and their secrets, good or bad, are theirs to keep. I’m not one to pry. But sometimes those secrets, even those others would consider to be less than savory, aren’t so bad when told to the right people.  And if I’m not mistaken, I think Dean’s found those people in you and you in him.

“I know when a man has been beaten down more than his fair share. I may not know the particulars of Dean Winchester's life, and it may be none of my business, but I’ve come to know the  _ kind  _ of man he is.  There is one thing I’m sure as hell about, and that’s that he ain’t deserved whatever it was that kicked him about. Things can only look up from here. Y’all take care of him, right?” Benny fixed them with a penetrating stare, somehow seeming to see right through them in a way that many before could not.

But he wasn’t judging them. In fact, after a fashion, it was almost akin to getting a seal of approval. It made them feel better about themselves, and better about their chances with Dean, should the man recover. Cas and Jimmy had been assured that he would, and he  _ was  _ improving day by day, but the jury was still out on whether or not Dean would pull through.

If either of them were still the praying type, they sure would be doing so now. They nodded solemnly at Benny and he breathed a sigh of relief, his hat clutched in his hands. “Y’all will tell me how he’s doing?”

“Yes, Benny, of course. Let us know where you’ll be going and we’ll keep you updated as to his progress. We’ll be taking him in – if Dean allows it –”

“He’ll allow it, unless he’s a fool,” Benny interjected.

“So you can call any time at  Whisperwind Estates.”

“I surely will.” Benny turned to go and Jimmy reached out to grasp his sleeve.

“Wait, Benny… how are  _ you _ doing?” Jimmy had missed it that night, but Cas had filled him in. Benny’s eyes dropped and he swallowed, giving them a half shrug.

“I’m… not all right, but as right as I can be. Losing a child, no matter the age, it’s a blow for sure. I still don’t understand how it happened and I… I miss her terribly.” Benny’s eyes shut, tight against the pain the twins were sure he was feeling. They had no experience in losing a child, of course, but they’d lost so many loved ones, so much family over the years that it wasn’t hard to imagine the pain he was going through.

“Benny, I know we were… a little cold to you when we first met, and I think you’ve long since figured out why, and we’re sorry for it, but... if you ever have need of anything – ” Cas said softly.

“Thank you,” Benny said quietly. He opened his eyes and gave them a small, pained smile. He nodded at them and turned to leave. They didn’t stop him this time.

Once again, the twins were left alone with Dean.

Waiting.

As Dean’s health recovered, so did his bravado. As it returned, so did the guard which the twins had forgotten existed. Jimmy and Cas had gotten so used to Dean being open and vulnerable around them, that it took them by surprise when they realized how much was hidden, how much Dean kept shut away.

Not that they didn’t do the same, and given what they had learned of his past, they couldn’t blame him. They didn’t think he even remembered telling them anything in his delusional state so they were afraid to bring it up.

Dean blinked up at them groggily, pushing away the sleep, frowning in confusion. “What are you all doing here?”

“You’re our friend, Dean, why wouldn’t we be here in your time of need?” Cas answered. His tone and words were softer than usual, keeping in mind all that he and Jimmy had learned over the past week.

“I’m fine, I don’t need any help.” Dean pushed himself up and winced, looking down at his hands for the first time and noticing the dressings starting up his arms and ending at his hands. Dean’s face scrunched up as he looked around his body and saw even more bandages. His eyes widened and he sat frozen, a litany of emotions flitting across his face so fast the twins couldn’t place them.

“It’s not a bother for us, we promise. In fact, whenever the doctors say you’re all right to leave, we plan to bring you home with us,” Jimmy said the words, hoping to break through to Dean, to snap him out of his trance.

“I said I don’t need help!” Dean growled out, his head snapping up and his eyes defiant. The twins had to remind themselves not to take offense at Dean’s attempts to push them away. Dean was hurting and didn’t know there was no cause to do so, even though all his life experience had taught that he needed to push away before he was hurt by those around him.

“Please, be reasonable. You’ve lost your place of rest and anything of value you kept there. You’re injured from the fire and need to heal. Where else will you go, except with us?” Castiel countered calmly. “While we can’t force you to come home with us, you must admit that we’re your best option. You would be a fool if you turned us down.”

Dean winced at the words, mumbling, “I’m no fool, but neither am I a freeloader. If everything I had is gone…” He closed his eyes. “I don’t have anything to contribute. All my money…” He frowned again and opened his eyes, his brow furrowed. “Wait… what happened? There was the fire, obviously. I remember that. But… the details are a bit hard to come by.” 

His head snapped forward and his eyes bore into Cas’s. “Was anyone else hurt beside me?”

Cas swallowed and nodded reluctantly. “A… few. And many more displaced by the fire. It hit many buildings for several blocks.”

“Are you offering any of  _ them  _ this generosity?” Dean spit out.

“No,” Cas said, “I don’t know many of them. Those few that I do don’t need us. And I –  _ we  _ \- we don’t… we  _ can’t _ \- trust strangers –“

“We’re basically strangers, so why me?” Dean looked away. His face was covered in hope, then dread, before it was wiped clean away.

“No, Dean, no. You’re one of the few who we’ve allowed as close as you are. Jimmy and I consider you our friend, and had hoped you did the same,” Castiel said, swallowing.

“If we were true friends, wouldn’t we tell each other everything?” Dean’s breathing hitched. “There are things you don’t know about me, things that would… that would make you see me differently. I don’t think anyone could consider us friends.”

“Shut up!” Jimmy snapped, anger suddenly rising. “You’re such an ass! Cas rushed into a burning building for you! He saved your life twice over at great risk to himself. Cas is hurt, too. I could have lost my brother! So what if we don’t know every little thing about you? So what if we haven’t yet –  _ yet  _ – told you all of our secrets? Those things happen over time, time we did not have enough of. I think the proof that we truly care is right in front of you, if you weren’t so – so - stubbornly blind to it!”

Dean jerked back, stunned and his eyes flicked over Cas, finally catching sight of the light bandages peeking out from beneath his long sleeves. A guilty expression flew over his face and he drew back from them, withdrawing in a wholly different way now. 

Cas turned angrily to face his brother.  Standing, he grabbed Jimmy by the shoulder and yanked him away from the bed. “James Emmanuel Novak!” he hissed, trying not to be heard by Dean. “What do you think you’re doing? If we are to convince Dean of our sincerity, then you cannot berate the man!”

“But Cassie! He’s being a stubborn jackass!” Jimmy wasn’t nearly as quiet. “We’re trying to help him and he’s throwing it in our face, and for what?”

“Are we any less stubborn?” Castiel gritted out.

Jimmy sighed and shrugged, turning his face away from his brother. “I suppose not.”

“I’m sorry.”

Cas and Jimmy turned in surprise at the soft, almost dejected words from Dean. He wouldn’t look at them, but stubbornly picked at a loose thread on his blanket.

“No, Dean, it’s all right,” Cas said, returning to sit in his chair beside the hospital bed,  Jimmy following suit after him.

“No, it’s not. Jimmy’s right. I’m being a stubborn, ungrateful ass.” Dean sighed and looked up. “Thank you – both of you – for being here for me. And uh, I won’t turn down your offer, if you should make it again.”

Cas and Jimmy broke into matching, wide grins. “That’s good to hear, Dean,” Cas said, Jimmy nodding along emphatically, “and that offer is still standing.”

“Well, um,” Dean cleared his throat, “now that that’s outta the way, can you fill me in? How long have I been here? Who else was hurt? Anyone we know?” Dean paused, looking around the room. “Where’s Sam?”

Cas and Jimmy exchanged looks with a sinking heart, watching as Dean’s face grew wary and scared. They didn’t want to have to break the news, but he had  the right to know. 

“You really don’t remember much from that night, do you?” Jimmy asked gently.

“No, I don’t. What happened?” Dean’s voice was desperate as he struggled to sit up again. Cas reached forward to help him this time, and Jimmy handed him a glass of water. Dean gratefully accepted and took a long sip. “Thanks, I didn’t even realize I needed that. Now, will you  _ please  _ tell me what happened? By your expressions, I can’t imagine you have anything good to tell me.”

“I’m afraid we don’t,” Cas agreed solemnly. “There weren’t a lot of deaths from the fire, but there were some. You knew two of them personally and I’m afraid you will be quite unhappy to hear it. I don’t know how to break it to you Dean, I’m so sorry.”

“You’re scaring me, Cas,” Dean’s voice broke. “Where’s Sam? Tell me he’s not…?”

“I’m afraid he is,” Jimmy said gently, leaning forward to capture one of Dean’s hands in both of his, hoping to keep him calm. “Sam didn’t make it out. You almost didn’t either in your efforts to get to him.” Jimmy’s eyes flickered over to Cas and back again. “But you did save Cas, right at the end, and I wanted to thank you for that.”

“I thought you s-said he saved  _ me _ ?” Dean asked . His voice shook and his body trembled as he took in Jimmy’s words. 

“It was mutual,” Cas explained, watching Dean’s face in concern, wishing he could take the man in his arms and comfort him.

“I’m… starting to remember some. Flashes and -- and snippets. The beam!” Dean blurted out.

“Almost fell on me, yes. But you pushed me out of the way. It’s what brought you here. You were trapped under it, unconscious. I won’t deny it, I feared the worst. I was so afraid we’d lost you as well as Sam. My heart was in my throat and the relief when I found you were still breathing, I can’t describe it,” Cas choked out the words, feeling tears pool in his eyes.

“Who else?” Dean demanded, wiping at his eyes with his free hand. “Who else, beside Sam?”

“Benny’s daughter,” the words wrenched out of Jimmy and they all fell silent as they considered the unfairness of it all.

“Oh God,” Dean breathed, “oh God! How Benny must feel…”

“We told him to come to us if he needed anything, but we don’t think he’ll be taking us up on that,” Cas said softly.

Jimmy nodded. “But he did come to check on you, make sure you were all right. We assured him we would take care of you, if you let us.”

Jimmy gave Dean’s hand a gentle squeeze, watching emotions flicker over his face. He looked over and met his brother’s eyes as Dean gave a soft squeeze back.

It would be a hard road, but maybe things would be okay.


	7. Chapter 6 - Whispers in the Night

It wasn’t too much longer before Dean was able to come home with them, and wasn’t that just a thrill?

Dean and home in the same sentence.

It would never get old. Jimmy could see the same feeling in Cas’s eyes. Dean, however, didn’t seem to feel the same excitement as they did. But surely, the twins surmised, that was due to the great tragedy that had befallen him and Dean’s ensuing grief.

They let Dean into their home nervously. It may not truly be their own space, but until they were done at Redmond it was, in fact, theirs. They so rarely trusted someone enough to allow them into that space willingly – no matter where. Outside of the bare minimum for propriety sake, they wished for nothing except to be left alone, to have a sanctuary where they could always feel safe, their touches unguarded.

It was strange, then, that nervous as they were, Dean being in that sanctuary didn’t make them feel any less safe despite his ignorance of the truth of Jimmy and Cas’s relationship. They would have to be careful while he stayed here, of course. Feel him out, figure out the best way to broach such a taboo series of subjects – of them and of  _ them. _

It was all around a daunting task, made all the more worse by their mutual longing.

 

* * *

 

 

Dean stepped inside and took in the home. It wasn’t the first time he’d been here, but they had more or less stuck to one room and he hadn’t ever looked at it through the eye of a charity case before. It was nowhere near as grand as some of the other homes on the lane, nor as comfortable as he imagined t he less imposing ‘Patty’s Place’ a few houses down would be.

“Honestly, if it were up to us, ‘Patty’s Place’ is more along our comfort level,” Castiel admitted. “However, we were unlucky in that they were decidedly not letting when we stopped to call upon them. They’d just returned a few years back from a long, three year journey and were determined not to set foot off the island for a good long while, having satisfied their wanderlust and curiosity.”

Hearing that went a long wa y towards easing Dean into their home, knowing that such lavish accommodations were not truly their want or need, either. Aside from the parlor and dining room, there was the kitchen and even a bedroom nook downstairs, while the entire upstairs was dedicated to more bedrooms – at least six at Dean’s count, all of them of a spacious nature and various decorating styles.

The twins had the two bedrooms closest to the stairs, both admitting that due to personal experiences, neither of them felt comfortable without a quick and easy egress. They explained no further, leaving it to Dean’s imagination. But their eyes were shuttered with a haunted look and Dean understood even without knowing because he  _ knew  _ from his own experience how something like that would matter.

The twins exchanged a look he could not quite decipher and after a slight hesitation, Jimmy spoke up. “You can pick any of the other you take a fancy to, of course.”

“Are you… sure about that?” Dean inquired with a raised brow. There had been something off in the offer. “You seem uneasy.”

“No,” Castiel hastened to reassure him, “Jimmy and I are simply not used to sharing our space with another person. We find this increases certain worries we already have when it involves someone we care for, just as we worry for each other.”

“Don’t imagine for one second that we don’t want you here. We’re just so used to it being only us that – fair warning – we might actually forget sometimes to take your presence into account. But we’ll get used to it. We’re happy to have the chance to,” Jimmy assured. 

Castiel nodded his agreement and Dean relaxed minutely. He stared at his choices. His desire to stay close the stairs himself, just as Jimmy and Cas had done, warred with his fears of what being in such close proximity to the tempting twins might reveal.

Finally, resolutely and resignedly, Dean picked the room across the hall from both of theirs and felt a sort of relief wash over him at the sight of the stairs. After surviving more than one fire, he was feeling more than a little anxious, enough to override his guilt and fears over his feelings for the ever beautiful twins.

“I’ll take this one, then, if you don’t mind.”

Jimmy and Cas smiled at him, Cas murmuring, “Good choice” before they took him on an extended tour of the rest of the house.

Soon, they were headed back down stairs with the kitchen being last on their tour, and Dean looked about him, an inkling of an idea coming to mind.

“You uh… if you want me to help with… to do my part, I could cook for us all?” Dean offered.

Cas and Jimmy looked at him in surprise. “Oh, would you?” Jimmy asked enthusiastically.

Cas cuffed him on the back of the head. “Nonsense. Maybe in the future, if you would really like to, we can take turns as we already do but –” he looked at both Dean and Jimmy sternly, “not until after you are completely healed.”

“Same goes for you, brother,” Jimmy said solemnly. He flicked his eyes over at Dean so quickly he almost missed it, even as Dean was setting his shoulders in a stubborn line. Right before Dean, to his fascination, the twins held a conversation with only their eyes. They both held a stubborn tilt to their heads, a firmness to their mouths – don’t think of their mouths, nor their lips. Don’t think about how they would taste or feel,  _ oh God –  _ until, finally, Cas nodded tightly.

“Fine. Neither Dean, nor I, will do chores while we heal – or at least, we shall keep our ‘helping’ to a minimum so that not all the burden is placed upon you.”

Jimmy waved it off. “Eh, even if it was, it’s not like it would be for long.”

The rest of the day passed in a blurred haze. Dean, still recovering and  taking medicines that never seemed to help, wound up sleeping much of the day away. He really had nothing to do otherwise. He no longer had any belongings, other than the few precious items he had long since learned to keep on his person or close by at all times. The clothes he was wearing were torn, bloodied, singed, and smelled strongly of smoke, but he had nothing else until a gentle knock came on his door.

He stiffly got up to answer it, finding Jimmy on the other side with fabric in his hands. “Hey, umm, we figured you’re of a similar size to us, and we also figured you could use a spare shirt and pants. Oh, some nightclothes too, until you can be re-outfitted. I’m sorry they’re hand me downs, but if it helps, these particular night clothes have never been worn.”

A blush rising to his cheeks, Dean carefully took the clothes. He felt he should be angry at the charity, but Jimmy looked so nervous about it, so hopeful, that Dean couldn’t bring himself to be. Add to that the idea of wearing the twin’s clothes was probably about as intimate as could be and likely as far as he’d ever get. He found he couldn’t help but feel somewhat feverish as he accepted the proffered loan.

“Thank you,” Dean said softly.

“You hungry?” Jimmy asked, putting his hands behind his back and rocking on his feet.

“Ah, no, just tired,” Dean answered. “Y’know, you and Cas... you don’t got to coddle me. I’m perfectly able to help around here. A little thing like this can’t stop me from pulling my weight.”

“We don’t doubt you can do whatever you set your mind to, and it’s admirable, but that’s not the point. The  _ point  _ is that you don’t  _ need  _ to.”

Dean shrugged. “I’m used to it. Been taking care of myself a long time.”

“Yeah, but you don’t have to, not anymore. You’ve… you’ve got us, now, Dean. Let us take care of you,” Jimmy pressed.

“But I…” Dean trailed off, uncertain what to say. Jimmy’s words hurt, in a very odd way, and he couldn’t make heads or tails of it. He wanted more than anything to just let them take care of him. But he couldn’t.

“It’s okay, Dean.” Jimmy’s voice gentled even further as he clasped his hand over Dean’s shoulder and gave it a careful squeeze. Dean’s breathing hitched. “You’re not alone anymore. You don’t have to  _ do  _ things alone anymore.”

Giving another gentle squeeze, mindful of Dean’s injuries even in his earnestness, Jimmy disappeared down the stairs, leaving a stunned and horribly confused Dean Winchester in his wake.

 

* * *

 

 

The first night with Dean in their house was nerve wracking. Cas and Jimmy didn’t dare share a room as normal out of fear they’d be caught by Dean before they were ready, before they’d sounded him out.

It was their first night apart in… Jimmy was unsure, actually. They’d slept together as children as well, though with decidedly more innocent, or at least naïve, intentions. Jimmy tossed in his cold and – until now - unused bed, unable to get comfortable. When he finally did fall asleep, his rest was fitful, plagued with nightmares of fire and loss. He jerked awake more than once without the warm embrace of his brother to assure him that he was still alive, that it was all a dream.

Each time he awoke in this manner, he found himself getting up and creeping out into the hall - putting on bed clothes he wasn’t accustomed to wearing, all for Dean’s sake should the man also be awake and wandering – and quietly opened his brother’s door to see for himself that Cas was there, alive, and well.

He hovered in the doorway, forcing himself  _ not  _ to go inside. If he did, Jimmy  _ knew  _ he wouldn’t have the strength of will to leave once more.

Closing Cas’s door, Jimmy stared at Dean’s, wishing they were all in a place where he could have the freedom to open Dean’s door to check on him as well. Then again, if they’d made the steps needed to gain such a freedom, Jimmy wouldn’t  _ need  _ to check on Dean  _ or  _ Cas, as they’d all be naked in bed together – if Jimmy had his way – making such actions unnecessary.

After the fifth time it happened, Jimmy gave up. He couldn’t bear the thought of going back into his cold and lonely room, not with the echoes of his nightmare still pulsating through his mind. He shivered and took to the stairs instead.

Maybe a hot drink would help him battle the cold chills that weren't completely from the air around him.

Things didn’t get better from there. Nearly nightly, Jimmy had nightmares and his waking moments became more numerous, even as his exhaustion took over his life.

It wasn’t any consolation to see that Dean and Cas looked nearly as exhausted as Jimmy felt. Perhaps even worse. Jimmy walked around in a daze, as did the other two, and all three of them thanked God that what was left of their classes had not yet resumed.

And then Dean made it known that he wasn’t sure he’d ever go back. 

“What’s the point? I don’t even know what I’m going to do after I’m done... and I don’t have a steady source of income. My savings were in Benny’s boarding house, all my money has gone up in flames.”

“But you should be paid up to the end of the year and it is your last! Why would you stop when you’re so close?” Castiel argued, ever the voice of reason.

“Besides,” Jimmy said, his tone anxious as he hovered nearby, “you’re always welcome with us, Dean. You don’t  _ need  _ to do anything. Cas and I… we have some money and, well, we don’t want for much.” Jimmy shrugged. “But… we are… we…” He gulped and Dean stared at him strangely. Was it his imagination, or had the motion drawn Dean’s eyes before they’d snapped back up?

“We’re lonely. We don’t trust others often, I’m sure you’ve noticed?” Castiel finished for Jimmy. Dean blinked and nodded. “It’s the rare person that we let into our space on a… regular basis. We have no other plans for our future, other than to find a nice, secluded place close enough to a town to see to our needs but far enough away to keep our privacy. We even have one in mind already, and, well… we would be honored if you should choose to join us.”

“We would understand if you do not. After living with us long enough, you may decide we’re unbearable. Cas is rather grumpy in the mornings.” Jimmy smirked at his brother.

Dean grinned wryly. “I’ve noticed.” They shared a laugh before Dean sobered again, talking once more. “But that still doesn’t… I’ve wasted my time and my money for something I won’t even  _ use _ . It just feels pointless.”

Cas shook his head. “Maybe it is, but I have never regretted a moment of it. While Jimmy and I have studied subjects that will never be useful to us personally, just being here has enriched us in ways we could never have imagined. It gave us a space to learn ourselves, to grow more comfortable with who we are, without the overbearing eyes of neighbors who have known us since before we could walk,” Castiel said. “And besides that, if none of us had pursued the learning that Redmond brings, how would we have ever met? It has surely been the highlight of our year.”

Jimmy could almost hear the rest that Castiel refrained from saying for fear of tipping their hand too soon: That meeting Dean had truly been one of the best things that had  _ ever  _ happened to them.

“Don’t give up, Dean. Not when you’re so close. It’s not everyone who can say they did this. And we’ll be right beside you, if it feels like it’s too much,” Jimmy encouraged.

Dean heaved out a sigh and slumped in his chair. “I just don’t know,” he whispered.

 

* * *

 

 

Like the twins, he couldn’t regret his time at the school,  couldn’t regret that he’d met them. He couldn’t believe that it had brought Sam to him either, even if Dean had lost him again. He at least had gotten the chance to meet his brother, to get to know the man he’d become, and had been able to put to rest the uncertainty of his brother’s fate.

Still, how cruel was life that it dangled Dean’s long lost family right in front of him, only to rip him away once more? 

Dean was still in so much shock over what had happened, that the grief hadn’t yet properly registered. He was unsure how he’d fare when it did. He went day by day, in a confused haze. 

His quest was over. Regardless of how poorly it went, it  _ was  _ over. School was almost finished as well. The few goals he had set himself were accomplished - having Cas and Jimmy was not a realistic goal, and he tried to push the thought of being with them out of his mind -  but a part of him felt that there was something yet left to do. He wasn’t sure what that was, yet. But he didn’t think he’d be able to stay with Cas and Jimmy until he could figure it out.

He wasn’t too sure he could stay with them much longer anyway.

God. A week.

Dean had been there a mere week.

Was there any torture worse than this? If he wasn’t not sleeping because of nightmares, it was because of the sinful dreams he kept having.

Dean threw back the covers and rubbed his hands down his face. His skin still twinged, feeling too tight and wrong as the muscles in his shoulder and hands flexed.

He’d gone to bed trying to ignore the desire that now lived with him nearly every waking hour, but it was a nightmare that had woken him this time. With a sigh, Dean stood and shuffled to the door.

Of course, his plan to soothe himself back to sleep with either warm milk or a soothing tea was not to be. Just as he reached the door of the kitchen, Dean stumbled to a halt.

“Are you all right, Jimmy?”

The unexpected sound of Cas’s voice sent a shudder through Dean. He’d crept down the stairs as silently as he knew how – which after years of practice by necessity, was quite silent - in case Jimmy or Cas were actually sleeping. The low rumble of Cas’s voice did much to soothe the nightmares that still flashed behind Dean’s eyes, nightmares he would not admit to, even as t hat same voice became proof that the twins were very much  _ not  _ asleep. 

He should speak up and let them know he was there. He should turn around and leave them to their privacy. He was already invading their home, already thought unwholesome thoughts about the two of them with him and yet… His feet stood still, unmoving. 

He had just the right angle to partially see into the kitchen and with the only light coming through the kitchen door, Dean was confident he was unseen in the shadows and had been unheard as well. The twins certainly had made no indication that they knew he was there.

Jimmy sat at the table, a lamp burning beside him as he held his head in his hands. He looked up at the sound of his brother’s concerned voice, the dark circles under his eyes prominent in the odd lighting.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t sleep. Forgive me, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“There’s nothing to forgive, brother,” Cas said softly, coming to stand beside Jimmy. He reached out to touch the dark head of hair and Jimmy turned into the touch, rested his face against Cas’s stomach, and wrapped his arms around him. It was an intimate moment that surprised Dean, a closer touch that he would never have expected of brothers. Lovers, perhaps, and the fact that he saw it now confused him.

“I just can’t stop seeing you, rushing into a burning building once more with no regard for your own life. I could have lost you. We could have lost Dean. I can’t…” Jimmy’s voice choked and Cas knelt beside him, his brother moving to let him before once more latching himself onto Cas.

“Shh… I’m here. I’m safe, all of us are safe,” Cas soothed. 

Tears pricked Dean’s eyes because not all were safe. There’d been deaths, people he’d known. People he’d cared for. He was so lost in the whirl of grief and guilt that he almost missed it when Cas leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Jimmy’s lips. Jimmy’s hands came up and gripped Cas’s hair tight, pulling him in with a gasp, the kiss turning desperate and deep before Dean’s eyes.

He had to smother his own gasp, one of shock and surprise and arousal. Jimmy pulled away and stared into Cas’s eyes as Dean now feared he’d seen too much for the twins to forgive, though he’d not meant to spy on them.

“You have to promise not to do things like that anymore. You can’t keep rushing in to be the hero. How many times do I have to almost lose you for you to understand that I can’t live without you?” Jimmy demanded.

“I could no more have let Dean die if I could help it, then I could have let you had you been in his place. You well know my feelings for him, as I know yours and that they rival that which we feel for each other. Would  _ you _ have let him die?”

“No, no of course not.” Jimmy’s voice cracked and Cas took him back into his arms. For a few long moments, Dean stood outside the kitchen, not daring to breathe. If he moved now, they’d hear him, and he was already intruding grossly on this most private moment.

Though he certainly would have more fodder for nicer dreams than those he’d been having of late, thanks to this. He’d never imagined that the two of them – the two men he wanted most, that he’d (dare he say it) had fallen in love with – would be together in this way. It was almost a dream come true. One hurdle passed and yet, there were still more insurmountable ones looming between them.

But what had they meant by their feelings for him? Did they regret bringing him here? Or did they, like he, hope for more? Could he dare believe that there was a chance for that? He longed to be in their arms, to draw comfort from them directly in a manner not becoming of… of what?

A shuddering breath, then Jimmy spoke again, so quietly Dean only heard because there were no other noises to drown out the words. “I was so scared, Cas. So scared I’d lose both of you. The two most important people in my life and we can’t even tell him what he means to us. Can’t even tell him  _ about  _ us. He’d reject us, I’m sure of it.”

“You’ve already told him, Jimmy.”

“What? No! I –“

“Shh…” Cas placed a finger over his brother’s lips and touched their foreheads together. The easy intimacy made Dean’s gut clench with envy and despair. “I told you, you’re not the only one who’s been having nightmares. We all have, and we all have been coming down here to deal with them.”

Dean swallowed, eyes wide, as the implications of Cas’s words reverberated through him. Cas knew he was there. Cas had known he was there the entire time, even when Jimmy kissed him. And yet, he didn’t sound angry... though Jimmy sounded worried. Worried about… about Dean discovering that their relationship was considerably more than brotherly? Most likely. Oh, if only they knew how  _ not  _ bothered by that Dean really was. 

Trembling with hope, with dread -  _ I’m reading this wrong, there’s no way they want me too _ – Dean slowly stepped into the kitchen, his arms wrapped around himself as he bit his lip. A shiver ran through him as twin stares locked on him.

“Dean,” Cas held out his hand invitingly and Dean stared at it, then back up at Cas and Jimmy in wonder. Part of him was still afraid, that he had misunderstood everything. Another part was convinced he was dreaming and one small part was dancing jubilantly and shouting “ _ This is real!” _

Two out of three of those options would turn out okay, and one of  _ those _ would turn out even better than okay. The odds seemingly in his favor, Dean crossed the floor and hesitantly took Cas’s hand, holding his breath. The second their fingers touched, Cas curled his fingers around Dean and pulled him gently into the brothers’ embrace with a dazzlingly brilliant grin. Just as Dean had started to breathe again, it took his breath away. A smile on Cas’s face was rare enough, but this beautiful display before him was a gift. He turned to note that Jimmy’s face, despite being a mirror of Cas’s, had an equally gorgeous smile that looked nothing like his brother’s, his hand reaching out for Dean’s other. Less afraid then when he had started, Dean eagerly took Jimmy’s hand and let out a breathless little laugh when their palms slid against each other.

He was quickly embraced by the two men whose bodies he’d dreamed of more than once. The lewd dreams that made him blush and turn away, the domestic ones of simple and innocent touches that he craved so badly. As they held him in their arms, Dean broke down as he hadn’t yet allowed himself to do. Their gentle and loving touch, the rub of Cas’s hand down his back, the soft kiss to his head from Jimmy, all combined to give Dean the things he’d once thought he’d lost.

Love and family.

He sobbed in their arms, supported by them unflinchingly as the twins eased them all to the ground when Dean’s knees buckled. They soothed and held him, rocked him till the tears at last dried. It was then that he finally heard their soft words as the brothers told him, finally, of their own broken history, some of Jimmy’s words at last making sense.


	8. Chapter 7 - Talking Leads to Other Things

Dean woke in a bed not his own with two warm bodies surrounding him. He jerked in panic. A grumble rumbled in his ear and a hand tightened around his middle, pulling him back against a hot chest.

Still clothed, Dean realized with relief.

It didn’t really alleviate the panic though.

“Dean? What’s wrong?”

“I can’t – I need to,” Dean gasped. “Let me up.”

He struggled and the hands around him loosened. He sat up, still gasping. The twins sat up with him and Dean shuddered and cringed when one of them touched him. Was this real? Was this happening? Had last night been a dream? Had he really seen Cas and Jimmy kissing? Had they really invited him to be a part of that?

Was he okay with that?

“Is it the brother thing?” Jimmy asked, his words hesitant and resigned.

“A… a little,” Dean admitted. It was the truth, but not the whole truth. Cas and Jimmy couldn’t really want him. It wasn’t possible. Any second now they’d kick him out of their bed, tell Dean that he’d misread everything. But also… “I admit, it fills me with unease. I’ve never looked a t Sam - ” The mere mention of Sam had his breath hitching, an unwelcome reminder that Sam was gone. He took a breath and pushed on, “Never looked at him that way, though I know - I  _ know _ I didn’t know him long or well, but I just cannot imagine it.”

“Dean, I won’t lie. Jimmy and I, we don’t understand it either. What we have – we know it’s not normal, but it feels  _ natural _ ,” Cas said.

A hand soothed over his arm and Dean wanted to lean into it, to relax into the comfort it offered, longed for it with all his heart. But he still felt too unsettled to allow it, midnight confessions notwithstanding.

Jimmy’s face fell when Dean withdrew and he looked behind Dean at Cas. Cas’s hand stilled.

“We understand your trepidation.” Cas’s voice shook. “If it makes you feel better, we… we had brothers of our own, once. Gabriel was the eldest, Samandriel the youngest, and the idea of lying with either of them makes my – ”

“Our -” Jimmy interjected.

“Sorry,” Cas acknowledged, “ _ our  _ skins crawl.”

Both Cas and Jimmy shuddered. Dean felt something loose inside him. He wasn’t sick for wanting men. It felt too natural, too right, and there were too many who felt like him for this to be as wrong as some made it out to be. He wasn’t sick for wanting two lovers at once – didn’t the bible, so vaunted in many of the towns and cities he traveled through for its morality, celebrate the lives of men who were not condemned for having multiple wives and even concubines?

And now, as Cas and Jimmy spoke, he realized that he wasn’t sick either for wanting brothers that also wanted each other. Each word they said helped ease him, somehow.

“What Cas and I have is different and we don’t understand it but, who do we potentially hurt besides ourselves? We are both consenting adults and we are incapable of having children to carry any burden of shame that would befall us should our relationship become public knowledge.”

“We’d love to have you. Not for larks, but for as long as you’ll keep us. We love you, Dean.” Cas’s voice cracked.

Dean nearly whined. He had just convinced himself that it was okay to want  _ them  _ but wasn’t quite ready for the idea that  _ they  _ could find him worthy in return. They couldn’t mean that. No one  _ loved  _ him.

“But if we truly disgust you, we’ll – ” Jimmy’s voice choked and cut off as he drew back shakily.

Dean’s hand shot out to grab Jimmy. “Please,” he whispered, “don’t – don’t go. Don’t leave me.”

Immediately, Jimmy surged forward and wrapped his arms loosely around Dean, still waiting for his rejection, Dean knew. Cas’s hand resumed its stroking along Dean’s arm. Dean could feel the hot breath on his neck. Something wet dripped on him – was Cas  _ crying _ ?”

“Always, Dean,” Cas whispered.

“No – don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Dean choked out. Oh god, now  _ he  _ was crying. He closed his eyes and he felt fingers gently touching his face.

“We mean it, Dean,” Jimmy assured him.

“No- you don’t know – I haven’t told you – ” Dean’s chest constricted. He had what he’d wanted, but he couldn’t believe he’d get to keep it. Everything else had been ripped away from him – his mother, his home, his brother after long last! – then why not this? Once they knew how worthless he really was – 

“You’ll change your mind.” He barely got the words out.

“Dean, we know enough to know you didn’t deserve what happened to you.”

Dean’s eyes whipped open at Cas’s words. His eyes fell on Jimmy who was staring at Dean while biting his lip. Jimmy’s hand still cupped around his face, his thumb rubbing back and forth along Dean’s jaw.

“What?” Dean croaked. What did they know? How?

“Shhh… we aren’t fooling ourselves that we know everything, but when you were hurt, in the first hours and days after, you were delirious with pain and you talked – a little,” Jimmy explained.

Dean’s heart sank.

“You broke our hearts with your words. Dean, whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault and you sure as hell didn’t deserve it,” Cas said firmly, his words thick.

Dean swallowed.

“We’re here for you, if you ever want to talk about it.”

“I don’t. I don’t ever want to. But… I –  _ we _ – can’t do this unless…”

“Unless you’re certain we won’t abandon you like everyone else already has.”

_ Yes. Exactly _ . Dean couldn’t say it but he closed his eyes and nodded.

“Whenever you’re ready, Dean.”

The twins held true to their word of course. They didn’t pressure him, but the guilt turned Dean inside out. Before long – that very day in fact – he spilled more than he ever had before. He told Cas and Jimmy his life story, of the loss of his family and his treatment by those who took him in thereafter. How he’d run away at sixteen after stealing away pennies he’d scavenged here and there when he could be sure no one would miss them.

He explained his search for Sam, and how he’d come to be here in Kingsport after all of that. He didn’t go into details, but he shared enough that the twins were horrified by what they heard. Dean started to withdraw from them, mistaking their horror at what people had done to him as disgust.

“No, far from it. I swear, how those people can call themselves good Christians is beyond me! You have more compassion in you than any of them combined, I’m sure of it,” Cas soothed Dean.

Jimmy cupped Dean’s face and pulled him gently to face him. “You are worthy, I promise you,” he whispered. Then he leaned in and pressed his lips softly against Dean’s. Dean melted into the kiss, his eyes fluttering shut. God, he didn’t think he’d ever felt a touch so gentle, so sweet. It made his heart ache for more.

He became so lost in Jimmy’s kisses that Dean gasped in surprise when lips brushed along his neck, accompanied by the low rumble of Cas’s voice whispering words of love and praise into Dean’s skin. His breath tickled and warmed and Dean groaned, breaking off his kiss with Jimmy to twist and find Cas’s lips.

As soon as Dean turned, blindly searching for Cas, Jimmy started leaving open mouthed kisses along Dean’s back, along the collar of his borrowed night shirt.

Dean flexed and arched, trying to decide which way to lean first, wanting to press himself as close as he could to both of them at the same time. A whine might have escaped his throat as the need for it rushed through him. In an instant, the kisses turned hungrier, wetter, Cas coaxing Dean’s mouth open and slipping his tongue inside. Dean reached for Cas’s nightshirt and grabbed hold as bliss shuddered through him.

Jimmy’s lips traced a trail up to Dean’s ear and nibbled at the lobe of it, sucking it into his mouth. Dean broke off from Cas to gasp, “Jimmy… oh…”

“What do you want, Dean?” Jimmy whispered. A hand slid around Dean’s front and even through the thin nightshirt, it was blazing hot. Dean threw his head back to rest on  Jimmy’s shoulder, baring his neck to Cas who quickly surged forward, fastening his mouth to Dean’s throat. He licked and kissed till he found a spot that had Dean writhing in their arms. With a devilish grin that lit up Dean’s insides, Cas focused on the sensitive spot he’d found and sucked.

Dean whined again, shuddering and overwhelmed. His hands still gripped on Cas’s shirt, and he started pulling at it desperately.

“Easy, Dean. We want you, too… We’ll do whatever you want, but are you ready?” Cas spoke against Dean’s skin, the words almost muffled as he made his way back up Dean’s jaw.

Mouth open and panting, Dean shifted against the twins, rubbing his hardness against Cas’s thigh, grinding back against the hot heat sliding against his backside.

“Everything. Want you. Want both of you, all of you.” Dean gasped. “Please… I need you… ”

What had started out as soothing comfort had become burning need, and it didn’t take long for the three men to help each other tear off their nightshirts – Cas and Jimmy already naked beneath theirs, Dean noticed with wide eyes – Dean’s coming off last.

Dean ran a hand over Cas’s chest, admiring the view he’d never thought he’d see. He turned, wanting to take in Jimmy at the same time. Twins they might be, but there were differences between them and he wanted to find them all. Somehow, Dean had always known which twin was which, and now wasn’t any different. Cas’s chest was nearly hairless while Jimmy had an adorable mole beside his right nipple. They both had the same admirable build, and Dean drank in his fill.

“Gorgeous. You’re both of you so gorgeous,” Dean said, his voice shaking as he took them in. What were two such beautiful, intelligent men doing with him?

Soft touches to his shoulders turned into strokes along his back. A gasp from Cas when Dean turned his naked back to him for the first time.

“Oh god, Dean,” Cas said, filled with anguish Dean could hear.

Dean froze, catching the look on Jimmy’s face, that surely matched Cas’s. Oh lord, he’d forgotten about the scars. He’d forgotten that the burns from the fire, healing nicely as they were, wouldn’t cover up all his past indiscretions. Dean closed his eyes and went rigid, tears pooling once more.

To get so close to everything he’d ever wanted, only to have it once more taken away from him – was he to never have any kind of happiness?

“Oh, sweet Dean, you have nothing to be ashamed of,” Cas whispered. His fingers tr ailed along Dean’s back in what would seem like a senseless pattern, except Dean knew – somehow, he  _ knew _ – that Cas was tracing each and every one of the scars upon his back.

He shuddered at the touch, yearned to lean back into it, to allow himself to  _ believe _ –

“We will never let anyone hurt you again,” Jimmy said, the words spitting out determinedly. Jimmy wrapped his arms around Dean’s shoulders, grasping at the hair on his head and pulled Dean into his neck. Deans arms came up automatically to grasp at Jimmy even as Cas pressed close against his back and circled his arms around them both. A hand rested on Dean’s flank and rubbed softly.

“We know our life isn’t ideal – ” Cas said, and Dean snorted.  _ How was it not _ ? “Not only do we have to hide the nature of our relationship as men, but also as brothers. But we promise to be there for you, always. If you want us.”

“I want you,” Dean gasped into Jimmy’s neck. “God, do I want you in all ways. In my heart and soul and body, I have yearned for you both so long. Can you not feel my complete desire for you?”

Jimmy groaned. “I can. It feels delicious.” He pushed against Dean and both men groaned as their cocks slid together. Cas grumbled from behind Dean at being left out. “If you’re ready for this, for us, Cas and I already have some ideas what to do next.”

“Yeah?” Dean leaned back and twisted his head to look at both of them. “You’ve given this some thought?”

“More than a little,” Jimmy growled.

Cas nodded. “We’ve had some… very delightful times imagining you with us, between us.” His hand caressed down Dean’s thigh. “But we thought it mere fantasy. Feared it could never be. That you’re here, with us now… I fear it to be a dream.”

“Or a nightmare. What if we wake and this isn’t real?” Jimmy whispered.

“You really want me that much?” Dean’s voice was small.

“What can we do to prove it to you?” Jimmy answered.

“We’ll take our entire lives if need be,” Cas continued.

Dean swallowed. “I’ll take that chance. So… what was this idea you had?”

Jimmy grinned and exchanged an eager glance with Cas. “Well, it starts off with Cassie here on his back, ready for you to take him, while I – “ Jimmy’s grin widened, “find out just how you feel around me.”

Dean groaned and closed his eyes at the image Jimmy provided him, his cock twitching and his hips jerking.

“I take it that sounds more than amenable to you,” Cas whispered into Dean’s ear.

“Very much so,” Dean whispered back. He bit his lip nervously and took a deep breath. “You’ll… I’ve never gone that far with a man… you’ll have to show me anything I need to know.”

“No worries, Dean. We’ll take care of you,” Cas promised.

Nodding at his brother’s words, Jimmy kissed Dean hungrily, then whispered against his lips, “Lay on your back. Cas –”

Cas shifted away, leaving Dean’s back cold. “Right, I’ll get the oil.”

“Oil?” Dean asked nervously, rolling onto his back into the warm space Cas had left behind. Jimmy nodded again, kissing his way down Dean’s chest, his hands moving further south. Dean still had his underwear on, but as soon as Jimmy’s fingers breached the waistband, he knew that wouldn’t last much longer.

He wasn’t wrong. Jimmy slid them gently off Dean’s legs before spreading Dean wide and settling on his knees in the space he’d made. Dean swallowed, staring unabashedly at the jutting dick in front of him.

That was going to be inside of him soon.

Dean had always wondered what that would feel like. The girls he’d been with had certainly enjoyed it, and he’d heard whispers in the types of places that most people avoided about how a man could also be taken in that way.

Jimmy leaned back as Cas draped himself over Jimmy’s back, kneading at his shoulder with one hand and handing him a little jar with the other. They exchanged kisses briefly and Dean stared and watched in wonder, watched the meet of their lips, the touch of their tongues. Desire pooled in Dean, deep and hot.

Finally, Jimmy drew away, the brothers panting hard, and Dean heard him whisper, “Lay beside Dean, Cas. I want you to open yourself up while I take care of him.”

“Can I kiss him?” Cas asked.

“Of course. I would never deny either of you that. Just don’t get too distracted. I want you ready at least as soon as Dean is.”

Dean thrilled to hear the two discussing what they would be doing so openly. His body tingled with anticipation though Jimmy hadn’t yet done much. The brothers exchanged another kiss and then Cas crawled up alongside Dean and settled into place, leaning down to kiss Dean.

The kiss lasted a good, long while. Small kisses, barely there touches that morphed quickly into something wetter, hotter. The touch of Cas’s tongue scorched like a brand and made Dean shiver. Dean raked his fingers gently through Cas’s hair, reveling in its softness, but he jolted and froze when a new sensation rippled through him.

“Oh,” Dean gasped. “Wh-what’s that?”

Cas chuckled. “Jimmy’s opening you with the oil. It’s a slow process and it feels a little weird the first time, but I promise you it’s worth it. Just relax. That makes it easier.”

Dean looked down between his spread legs to see Jimmy smirking back up at him. “You always look gorgeous Dean, but this sight is breathtaking,” he said reverently.

Dean leaned up to try and see what he was doing, to match the movements of Jimmy’s hand with what he was feeling. Jimmy had coated his fingers in the oil and was circling Dean’s hole. It was odd but not unpleasant. Jimmy’s fingers dipped closer, teasing inside and back out again causing Dean to gasp. He did it again, and pulled away, then pressed in one more time, this time lingering.

His breathing picking up, Dean collapsed against the bed. There was a finger in his ass and Dean whined, his back arching up.

Chuckling breathlessly, Cas said, “It gets better than that.”

Turning, Dean’s gaze took in Cas’s glazed eyes, his open mouth and the sweat beading across his brow. His gaze drifted lower to Cas’s heaving chest, his flushed dick, and found Cas’s own legs spread invitingly open, his hand working furiously out of sight.

Watching Cas’s obvious enjoyment of his own fingers in his hole ramped up Deans as well, and the small discomfort he felt fled as Jimmy continued to thrust his fingers in and out of Dean, adding another and gently stretching him.

Deans hips arched up on a cry when Jimmy lit something up inside of him.

“Yeah, that’s it,” Jimmy murmured, his fingers speeding up. Desire, white hot and desperate, burned through Dean. He was whimpering with need, pushing back on Jimmy’s fingers wantonly, but didn’t care. He was chasing that glorious feeling that was just out of reach.

This was more than anything he’d ever experienced in his few trysts or in any of his many dreams.

Cas shifted beside Dean and an oil coated hand grabbed Dean’s dick. Dean yelled, thrusting up into Cas’s grip. “Brother, I’m ready…”

Jimmy nodded, pulling his fingers out. “Dean, hands and knees over Cas.”

Dean scrambled to obey, groaning as Cas took his dick in hand once more. “Jimmy’s still getting you ready, but, nothing says we can’t get started…” He lined Dean up, wrapped his legs around Dean’s waist, and pulled Dean down.

Dean couldn’t take his eyes off where his cock met Cas’s ass; the head of his dick pressed against Cas’s hole and then it was sliding inside. Dean groaned and dropped his head to Cas’s chest, his arms trembling.

So good, this felt…  _ so good _ . He tried to hold back, to go slow, to revel in every little bit of himself that was pressing inside Cas, feeling the hot chamber sheathing around him. When he bottomed out, he didn’t move for a long moment, Cas pulling him down for another searing kiss.

Cas’s hands slid gently down Dean’s back, grasped his butt and pulled, bringing him in closer than Dean thought was possible to get. He pulled Dean’s ass open and Dean felt that same intrusion as before, only bigger.

“Three fingers now. That’s usually enough for me, but I’m willing to bet Jimmy goes up to four. We don’t want to hurt you,” Cas whispered, clenching around Dean.

“Oh god, oh god, oh god,” Dean whimpered, his hips jerking back and forwards. “Pleeeaaase –” If Jimmy’s  _ fingers  _ felt so good, Dean couldn’t wait to get his cock inside his ass.

“Shhh… almost there….” Jimmy soothed. “God, I think you’re even more needy for this than Cas usually is.” 

After another couple of minutes and another finger added, Dean was ready to go out of his mind. But finally –  _ finally _ – Jimmy withdrew his fingers, shifted and draped himself over Dean, grabbing his sides and lining himself up. He thrust inside gently, Dean keening.

Oh god, was there anything better than this? To feel Cas around him? To being filled by Jimmy?

Then Jimmy stated to move, pushing Dean into a rhythm that had him swearing that yes, yes it could.

Dean babbled, his hips thrusting back and forth with abandon, without rhythm. He pounded deep inside Cas, the man’s ankles behind Dean’s head, and pushed himself back on Jimmy eagerly, eyes rolling every time Jimmy’s cock hit something inside of Dean that made him want to explode.

His movements were desperate, needy as he chased euphoria through each roll of his hips. Each slap of skin and wet squelch and gasping groan egging him on. Dean became mindless with need and pleasure. He lost himself in the sounds and feeling, his vision whiting out as his world exploded. His hips jerked in short motions as he whimpered, his body burning up.

“Yes, yes, that’s it, just like that, Dean,” Cas moaned into Dean's ear. “Oh, that feels heavenly - oh sweet Lord - !” Cas arched into Dean with a cry and Dean groaned as Cas clenched around him. Dean shattered, falling and whimpering into Cas’s skin, their bellies slick with come and combined sweat. 

Jimmy was still hard, still thrusting inside Dean and rocking him down into Cas. “You two are beautiful, so damn beautiful,” he panted, thrust once more, and stilled. It was the strangest sensation, being filled with come, but it was one Dean found he did not mind all that much. It was proof of Jimmy's desire for him. 

Was that how Cas currently felt? Did he enjoy having Dean’s spend inside him the way Dean was enjoying his brothers? Would Cas leave his mark on Dean in that manner as well? 

God, but Dean hoped so.

The three of them lay tangled in each other, breathing hard. Hands caressed Dean’s skin without any ulterior motives and he curled into them as Jimmy and Cas carefully maneuvered them all to lay on their sides. Dean missed the sudden loss of weight but reveled in how close they pressed against him. It grounded him in a way he never knew he needed before.

For the first time in a long while, his mind went silent, allowing hit to simply bask in the moment, in the comfort of their arms, to drink in their scents and relax into their warmth.

Dean drifted, finally content.

 

* * *

 

It was afterwards, when they were all lazy and filled with a contented bliss, that Dean blurted, “I have to leave.”

Four words was all it took to shatter the silence, their happiness. Jimmy yanked away from Dean. “What?” he spat out.

Dean rolled over, away from Cas to look at Jimmy.

“That came out wrong. I don’t  _ want  _ to leave, but I… I have to.” Dean gulped audibly. “I have to go home.”

“Dean,” Cas pleaded, reaching to turn Dean back towards him. “No, you  _ are _ home. I thought… Jimmy and I have our eyes on a little place out near Avonlea. It’s called Echo Lodge. It’s perfect for us and we were going to ask you to join us there, as soon as Redmond was finished.”

“I would love to, if you really mean it,” Dean whispered. “I’m sorry, but I… I have to do something first. Can I meet you there?”

“What do you need to do?” Jimmy’s words were rough, still harsh, and Dean closed his eyes.

“Sammy…” he breathed.

“Dean, no. He’s gone. The school will have notified his family. Unless…?” Cas reached out gently. “What are you looking for out there?”

“I owe it to them, to the people who kept Sammy safe all these years, that raised a good man. I owe it to them to tell them in person what happened. Not some… form letter,” Dean said, his voice cracking. “And I… his family isn’t my family, but I want to see where he grew up. I want to make sure…”

“Make sure it was a good place?” Cas asked.

Jimmy slowly curled back up around Dean. “You want to make sure they treated him as well as he said?”

Dean nodded. “I need to go. I need to see… But I’ll be back. I promise. I’ll follow you both out to Echo Lodge or anywhere else, for that matter. As long as you don’t change your mind.”

“We won’t. We’ll wait for you.”

Tension flowed out of Dean’s body and the twins held him tight, Jimmy’s heart finally calming down once more after the fright Dean had given them.


	9. Chapter 8 - The Prodigal Son

It took Dean about a week to get out to the Singers. He had no transportation of his own, and no money either. Cas and Jimmy helped him out, of course. They also offered to go with him, but Dean needed to do this alone. After taking the boat across to the mainland, Dean hopped on a train with a meager bag of belongings. The twins had connections everywhere, and they gave him letters and directions to people and places that could help him further.

He would’ve just relied on his feet and taking rides with strangers as he found them, just as he had in the past, but this was different. Before, he had had no specific destination and just went as the roads took him, time being of no particular importance.

Now he felt as if time was pressing on him. He’d already waited so long because he’d been healing, and because the twins felt he should at least take his closing tests -- though, they had used their connections to get allowances from the professors for him to take them early.

So, he tried to get there as quickly as possible,  a burning need inside of him  to get this new mission completed so he could get back home.  Even with the twins assistance, Dean still needed to rely on  the occasional stranger who was going a good stretch of the distance. Even still, once he was  just one town away from his destination , Dean ran out of options and  was forced to fall back on old habits. His feet weren’t broken, after all, and a good, long walk wasn’t going to kill him. He shouldered his bag and set out, grateful for the mild weather.

He walked through the morning and most of the afternoon before the Singer’s home came into view. It was an out of the way farm, not too large, but definitely well off. The house was three stories tall, in good repair, and freshly painted. Fences and shrubs and apple trees lined the road alongside the property and a gate stood open on a well-kept drive. A sign hung off a post declaring it to be the place he sought and Dean’s feet stopped.

He stood dead center at the bottom of the drive, staring up at the house. He was equal parts filled with dread, curiosity, grief, and longing. He had no idea how long he stood there before a gruff voice behind him made him jump.

“Boy, you planning on going up that drive or not? I don’t got all day waiting for you to make up your mind.”

Dean’s heart was pounding as he swung to the side and took a few steps back. He stared at the older gentleman sitting atop a wagon with a bushy beard and lined face, his eyes shadowed lightly by his hat. As gruff as his voice had been and as stern as his face looked, there was something gentle in his eyes that gave Dean the courage to speak.

“I’m here to see the Singers,” Dean managed.

“How do you know the Singers?” the old man asked. 

Dean thought he sounded somewhat suspicious. Well, he had to concede,  _ Dean _ probably  _ looked _ suspicious just standing out here for however long he had been trying to gather courage to move forward.

“I don’t. We’ve never met,” Dean admitted warily.

The old man’s eyes narrowed. “They ain’t hirin’.”

“I’m not here for work.”

Taking a long look at Dean, the old man finally nodded. “Well, hop on up then. You look like you been walkin’ a ways.”

Dean let out a breath of relief and swung around the front of the wagon so the old man – likely a hired hand, Dean figured – could keep an eye on him. He couldn’t resist patting the horse’s nose as he went past. He grabbed the side of the wagon with both hands and pulled himself up, settling his bag down into his lap.

The old man flicked the reins and got the horse moving.

“So why are you here, then?”

“I came because of Sammy.” Dean’s hands tightened on his bag and he swallowed.

“Samuel Winchester?” The man looked at Dean in surprise that faded to something thoughtful.

Dean nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“Huh. Don’t think I ever heard anyone call him  _ that _ before. What’s your name, son?”

“Dean,” Dean hesitated. Should he mention his last name? He didn’t want these people to think he was trying to get something out of them. “We were classmates at Redmond.” Dean’s knuckles were white as they clutched at his bag.

“Huh.” The man grunted. “You know anythin’ about farms?”

Blinking at the change in subject, Dean answered, “You could say that.”

“Well, the Singers ain’t usually home for a few hours yet. Mind helpin’ me with some chores? I ain’t as young as I used to be.” The old man steered the wagon around towards a barn, the horse stepping eagerly towards it.

“Yeah, I could do that.” Dean relaxed a little, knowing he was getting a small reprieve from a meeting he was anxious for.

Once stopped, Dean hopped down. He left his bag on the seat, figuring it was as safe there as anywhere else. It wasn’t like he had anything valuable left to steal. Not that he’d had much of anything prior to the fire, for that matter. He followed the farmhand around, doing whatever he was pointed toward, all the while, the old man talked and asked questions.

“So where you from?”

“All over, I guess,” Dean grunted, leaning into the pitchfork as he tossed hay.

“What I mean is, I’m guessin’ America, but  _ whereabouts _ were you born?” The old man walked past with a couple of buckets filled with water.

Dean shrugged. “Don’t really remember. You’ve been to America?” he asked curiously. Most people didn’t travel around much, though that had been different at Redmond.

“On occasion, in my youth. Had something close to family there once.” The old man shrugged. He still hadn’t given Dean his name and Dean felt awkward asking. If polite societal norms weren’t enough to have the old man volunteer it when they first met, odds were, he wasn’t going to give it even if Dean asked.

He seemed ornery enough for that.

Dean kept working when the old man disappeared briefly. As soon as he returned, Dean asked him a question he’d been psyching himself up towards. “So you been here long?”

“Nearly all my life,” he answered.

“They, uh, treat you okay here?” Dean tried to ask the question nonchalantly but when he was answered with silence, he finally stopped and looked at the old man nervously.

He simply stood there, in the doorway of the barn with his hands crossed over his chest as he stared back at Dean steadily, as if trying to puzzle him out. Finally, he answered with, “I ain’t had no complaints.”

Dean nodded and went back to work. It was a good sign, he figured. If they treated the help well, then Sammy was sure to have been as well. Well, Sam had said as much but you never knew. Dean had to know, to see it for himself.

So far, everything was coming up a fairly good life for Sam.

If only Sam was still alive to enjoy it.

Dean paused as his heart ached. He stopped moving, his head bowing for a moment before he jerked back up and looked around. He didn’t see anyone and he sig hed, getting back to work.  _ Old habits die hard _ , he thought grimly. He’d been beaten more than once for ‘not pulling his weight’. Despite not actually working here and not likely to suffer any punishment of any kind, Dean couldn’t help but feel a frisson of fear that there would be repercussions.

There always had been before.

It’d been a while since Dean had done such labor-intensive work. While he had still done the odd job here and there - or helped out around Benny’s - school and then his healing, had taken its toll. He stripped off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves, stopping briefly to wipe at his head and take a breath or two.

He probably could have used a longer rest, but he didn’t allow it.

When a loud bell clanged through the yard, Dean startled. The old man was at his elbow almost instantly.

“Sounds like dinner’s ready. C’mon and wash up.” He turned and walked away, trusting Dean to follow. After a moment's hesitation, Dean did, grabbing up his jacket. They passed the wagon on the way to the house and the old man gathered Dean’s bag and carried it up to the house with them without a word.

Dean’s eyes got wider and wider the closer they got to the house. The reality that he was about to meet his brother’s family racketed through him. His breathing became a bit unsteady as well and he sidled closer to the old man and whispered hoarsely, “What are they like?”

The old man grunted in response, “You’ll see.”

The door creaked open and they stepped inside a kitchen. It was clean and well kept, and an older woman stood by the table, gathering a few last things. She looked up as they entered and smiled.

“I got your message, dear. Everything’s ready.” She turned to Dean. “Welcome to our home.”

She picked up a covered dish and carried it out of the room and Dean froze to the spot, blinking. The water pump creaked as the old man – no, was  _ he _ Mr. Singer? – washed his hands at the sink.

“You – you’re Mr. Singer?” Dean croaked.

Mr. Singer nodded and dried his hands on a towel, tilting his head toward the sink. Slowly, Dean moved forward, unable to take his eyes off the old man now that he knew who he was.

“I’m the same person I was when we chatted in the yard. Now wash up,” he said, placing the towel down and within Dean’s reach. “Oh, and I’d prefer it if ya called me Bobby.”

Dean nodded dumbly and Bobby turned away, leaving him alone in the kitchen. He washed and dried his hands without much thinking about it, then fixed his sleeves. He hesitated at the jacket, but he was still too hot to put it back on, so he left it draped over his bag where Bobby had left it.

He found them both at a small table which was, indeed, set for three people. He sat down warily, eying both Bobby and his wife.

Mrs. Singer smiled at him once more. “I don’t think we’ve met before. I’m Karen, Bobby’s wife. What brings you out here?”

His appetite suddenly lost, Dean dropped the fork he’d just picked up and looked down, biting his lip. Taking a deep breath, he looked up. “I… I went to school with… with Sam and I… I know you’ve already been notified but I couldn’t just… you deserved to know, to be told in person and…” His voice cracked as he watched the grief roll over their faces. “And I wanted t-to tell you, how sorry I am. I tried… I tried…”

Dean couldn’t talk any further. His lower lip trembled and he covered his mouth with his hand to hide it. The sleeve he’d forgotten to button properly fell open, sliding down and exposing the healed burns on his skin and Karen gasped.

“Is that from… were you hurt in the fire too?” she asked softly.

He nodded, and shoved his chair back, standing abruptly. He found his voice long enough to choke out, “I’m sorry. I-I’ll go. You probably don’t want to talk to someone who failed to save your only family.”

“Dean Winchester, I ain’t about to kick you out of my house now that you’re finally in it. Sit down and eat. You look like you could use it.” Bobby’s words forestalled Dean, and he slowly sank back down into his chair, staring at the couple in shock.

“You – how did you - ?”

“I was friends with your daddy, boy. An’ your ma. I don’t know how it is that you’re here, and alive, after John told us you were dead, but if you think I can’t recognize a Winchester after knowing them so long…” He shook his head. “No matter, cause you’re here now, an’ I ain’t lettin’ you leave till you know that you’re welcome here,” Bobby said gruffly.

The rest of the evening passed as a blur to Dean. There were questions and tears and assurances, followed by a tour of the house, ending in a guest room that Karen insisted would be Dean’s if he stayed.

“I can’t stay,” he said reluctantly. He watched her face fall and instantly felt guilty. “I’m sorry. I didn’t come here to get anything from you all. I just… I wanted to see where Sammy grew up. See for myself that… that he was happy and well cared for.”

“You got someone at home?” she asked, laying a gentle hand on his arm.

Dean thought about the twins. He thought about how they would have finished off their exams by now and would be packing their things. How they would likely be at Echo Lodge within the week. Dean thought about how they would be waiting, the house warm and ready to be turned into a  _ home _ .

A real one. One that included Dean.

His heart swelled at the thought.

“Yeah,” he said softly. He could feel the smile curling on his face. It felt giddy. “For the first time, I  _ do _ have someone waiting for me.”

“Then we won’t try to keep you,” Bobby said from the other end of the hall, having brought up Dean’s bag. He walked forward and stopped to stand before Dean. “But we do ask that you don’t be a stranger. Please, visit whenever you want. You have family again. We’d like to get to know you, and for you to know us.”

In the end, he stayed two weeks at Karen’s insistence, but eventually he had to leave. He yearned to be back in the arms of the twins, a place he’d had too brief a time in. But he left with a lighter heart.

Bobby and Karen had accepted him wholeheartedly. Even when he slipped once or twice about the nature of who he’d left back home, neither had blinked an eye. Either they hadn’t caught it, or they didn’t care. He was hoping for the latter, as that would make the future easier. He’d be able to return their invites with one of his own – with Cas and Jimmy’s permission of course. It was their house.

No, it was  _ their  _ house. Dean knew they’d correct him if they heard his thoughts.

Bobby insisted on driving him to the train station that would take Dean to the ferry that crossed to Prince Edward Island, no matter how much Dean protested that it would take Bobby all day to make the journey there and back again.

“Nonsense. I ain’t letting you walk the entire way. You’re still healing, boy,” Bobby grumbled. “Idjit.”

Dean snorted. He liked Bobby and Karen a whole lot more than he had expected. He climbed up into the wagon, laden down with a few more things than he’d arrived with. Karen came out with one last thing in her hands. She handed it up to Dean with a towel wrapped around it.

It was still warm.

He looked at her with his mouth gaping open.

“You gave me  _ pie _ ?”

“Of course I did, honey. Anyone who enjoys my pie that much is welcome to as much of it as I can make. This one’s for the road. Try not to eat it all at once,” she said smiling.

He set it on the seat beside him and leaned down to hug her. “Thank you.”

“Thank  _ you,  _ Dean, for being so considerate as to come see us personally. If you hadn’t, we’d never have known you were alive. We’re so happy to have you in our lives,” she said sincerely. “And Bobby and I hope you’ll be happy in this new life your settling in.”

“I think I will,” Dean said with some surprise. It was a little terrifying but, it felt like the next chapter of Dean’s life was ready to start, and it would be filled with good things for once.

How had he gotten here?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably my favorite chapter of the bunch which is weird for 2 reasons:  
> 1 - no Cas or Jimmy. in a DCJ story...  
> 2 - i never planned on it. When i first started writing this story, this chapter wasn't even a blip on the radar. later, as i started progressing and figuring out the histories i thought, what if Dean felt like he had to go back and tell Sam's family himself? But i still didn't plan on it getting this long. And then Bobby decided he wanted to stay anonymous AND figure out who Dean was annnnnd that's all she wrote. well. I wrote anyway.


	10. Epilogue - Welcome Home

Dean walked the last leg between Avonlea and West Grafton, having asked directions from a Mr. Barry before he’d hopped down off the man’s buggy. His pie had been long since eaten and his arms ached from the two extra bags he was carrying, but Dean didn’t notice a bit of it.

He was almost home.

_ Home _ .

The word resonated with every step towards Echo Lodge he took. He could imagine the looks of happy surprise on the twin’s faces. Once, there would have been a part of him that wondered if they’d changed their minds, but it was a part that Dean refused to entertain any longer.

He was sure he’d still have his moments of doubt. Life had kicked him in the pants too often and too hard for such doubts to ever leave him completely, but the twins had done a fairly good job convincing him that this would work out.

He had seen it on their faces, heard it in their voices, felt it in every reverent touch to his body.

Smoke curled up over the trees and Dean’s feet quickened their pace. If he’d gotten it right, that would be Echo Lodge just around the bend in the road.

He stopped at the gate and stared at the little house. The twins had assured him it would be bigger than it looked, but from where he stood, it looked perfect. Where weeks ago he’d stood at the bottom of a drive in fear, he now stood at the bottom of another in wonder.

A shadow flitted across a window on the lowest floor and the smell of food drifted through an open window. His stomach growled and he pushed his feet to move once more. In no time at all, he stood on the stone stoop, knocking at the door.

The sounds inside stopped, then a chair was pushed across the floor. A few steps, a pause, then a gasp. Dean caught the edge of a curtain falling back just before the door was yanked open, with twin shouts of, “Dean! You’re finally here!”

Two hands – one from each twin - reached out and gleefully pulled him inside and into a three-way embrace. He kicked the door shut behind him and sank into their arms.

_ He was home. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the epilogue is fairly short (but remember there's a part that comes after this which I wrote first... if you haven't seen it yet...*nudges you in that direction*) but it felt right.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this story. it's the longest DCJ story I've ever written and i really enjoyed it, though i'm sorry about Sam. :( *Cries*
> 
> Thank you for reading and please pass on some love to my artist AND to the other stories in this bang :D


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